Just4Jo - A fat chick trying not to be...

About things that are beyond our control?
I mean, really - WHADDAYA DO????
The last few days I have done a lot of thinking.
And I mean a LOT of thinking......
I've had lots of time to think while I've been lying awake at night listening to the sounds of the darkness....
The low constant hum of the radio alarm clock, the deep even breathing of the dog, the loud obnoxious f&^%$en snoring of my husband!!!!!!!!!!
Hehehehehehe.........
I slept in the spare room last night - and I actually had quite a good sleep too!
But I digress...........
What the hell can I do about things that are out of my control?
Simple.
NOTHING!
TRY not to let them get to me.
TRY not to waste too much energy on worrying about stuff that may or may not ever happen.
TRY to carry on being a good mother/wife/daughter/sister/friend/employee.
While all the time carrying on with every day stuff, that sometimes seems totally and utterly irrelevant in the bigger scheme of things!
Too much time to think, can be dangerous in the wrong headspace!
Since suffering one of the worse hangovers in history on Sunday, that carried on into Monday (and Tuesday and Wednesday!!!!) I have decided that for two whole months, I am not going to let a drop of alcohol pass my lips!
Yep - I am going tea-total until the 26th August.
Why the 26th August, I hear you ask?
Well, that is the night of the Mid-Winter Starlight Ball, and it is also the day AFTER the final day of the Biggest Loser Challenge at work.
So, it is head down and bum up for me until then!
No more distractions, no more hangovers, no more all night binges...
THAT'S IT!!
I'm DONE!!!!
I got a shock yesterday.
The first months results were announced for The Biggest Loser challenge at work, and out of 40 people that have entered - I am coming in at a miserable 14th place!!!!
I mean COME ON!!!!!
A friend of mine is coming 2nd, and my boss is coming 3rd!!!!!!!!!!
That was certainly a bit of a shock to the system I can tell you!!
So, it is time to step up to the mark and take responsibility for myself, and my damn life too!!!
I have spent far too much time basking in the glory of long past successes.....
I need to focus on the future, and what I want out of my life!!
Has anyone asked themselves that question lately??
"What do I want out of life?"
I mean REALLY want out of life????
I want to be respected.
I want to be loved.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be admired.
I want to be happy.
I want to be whistled at.
I want to be a good mother.
But is all of this enough??
Do I need to want more?
I think somewhere along the road, I have lost sight of WHO I want to be as well.....
I have spent so long going with the flow - being the wife and the mother and the friend and the daughter and the sister and the employee that I think everyone wants me to be - but is it really who I want to be?
Do I want to stay in a job that I don't find challenging?
Do I want to stay friends with people that don't really inspire me to be a better friend?
Do I want to carry on saying and doing things that I think I "should" be saying and doing???
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
But what I DO know, is that I'm not happy.
I'm not happy with some things in my life, and I think now is a good a time as any to start making the changes that are gonna make me happy!!
They might surprise some people.
They might please some and they might hurt others.
I'm tired of tip toeing around being worried about what people may think......
And at the end of the day - I am the one who has to face myself every day, and I am the one that has to be happy.
It's about # 1 here - ME!
And it's damn well time I started making it about ME!!!!!