Just4Jo - A fat chick trying not to be...

What the hell do you say to someone who has just had bad news?
I have NEVER been any good at this sort of thing!!!
I have a friend, her and her partner are going through IVF right now.
She got her results back today - it's a negative.
They've been trying for years to have a baby, IVF was supposed to be "their thing".
It was gonna work!
It's so hard to know what to say........
My heart is breaking for her......
They'll give it another go, but she's losing faith.
They would make the best parents ever.
It's just NOT FAIR!!!!!

DAMMIT!
That is why I should save my updates when I post via email from work!!!!
Disappeared in to Cyber Space, never to be seen again!
BASTARDS!!!

Righto - here is a run down on the weekend - it's gonna be quick cos I'm bloody busy at work dammit!  hahaha

Friday
Got rear ended in my car on my way to lunch with a girlfriend.
I'm fine but my rear bumper has definitely seen better days that's for sure!
Now have to go through the insurance headaches....... must remember to drop the forms off today actually.
It's the damn inconvenience of it all that pisses me off more than anything........

Saturday
Looked after J's niece for the day, it was brilliant cos her and Rhian played so well all day!
They love playing together, so it made the day go really fast!
Went "window shopping" for an outfit for the wedding in 2 weeks, and found nothing!
Well, nothing that I could afford anyway!
Went into "Garb" in Lower Hutt and they had some beautiful stuff, but the sales lady didn't really listen to me, and I wasn't that impressed by the prices either!!
$270 for a basic skirt, and $220 for a mesh type overtop.....
TradeMe is my friend though, and I have bought a couple of gorgeous things from there - just gotta wait to see how good they look when they turn up!
www.trademe.co.nz
# 123521754  is the top, and # 123479754 is the skirt.
Also bought a couple of other things as back up and just cos they looked like bargains!!
# 12386915 is another black skirt, and 123242526 is a cute dress
So, those combined with what I already have in my wardrobe, I SHOULD be able to come up with something! - I HOPE!!!!

Went and caught up with a friend on Sat afternoon for a coffee, then headed home and fed the girls, played some games, and then relaxed for the remainder of the night as J was out at a stag do.
He rolled in the door at 2am, certainly worse for wear professing his undying love for me, and wanting me to share his fried rice....
Oh the joys of alcohol huh?  hahahahaha....
His head was certainly anything but "clear" on Sunday morning that's for damn sure!!!!

Sunday
Didn't really do much of anything.....
Still had J's niece, so Rhian and her played happily, changing clothes about a million times and just generally being fashion queens!
Her mum came to pick her up at about lunch time, and offered to take Rhian for lunch, so we got a couple of free hours, which I used to clear up the mess made by the two princesses!  
Sunday night Rhian crashed out ultra early, so I took it as a sign to do the same, and our house was sound asleep by 9pm
BLISS!!!

So that's the weekend wrap up........ not very exciting, but very relaxing and I like it that way!

This week:
I have a course all day tomorrow and Thursday - Coaching & Feedback, so that should be interesting...
Thursday night there is a group of people going out for drinks, as it is a year to the day that they announced the closure of our manufacturing plant here at work, so we are gonna get together and drink!  hahaha......... any excuse really!
Friday night I'm supposed to be going out with a couple of girlfriends, but I'm not sure if I will or not........ no $$'s combined with me hating hangovers might just see me stay at home instead!
Saturday night we are looking after J's niece and nephews, so that will mean another night at home......

Fingers crossed for a good week!!!!

I just realised that I have a wedding to go to in just TWO weeks and I don't have anything to wear!!!
I've been trawling TradeMe trying to find something, but I just can't decide!!!!
Ohmigod - I have 14 days to find something incredible on a very VERY limited budget!!!!!!!
Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Panic Stations!!!!!!!

ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO!!!!!!!!!
Hahahahahaha.........
I'm thinking that the double dose of Lactulose syrup PLUS the pills I took this morning have helped things along no end!!!!!
I feel 2 stone lighter already, and my jeans are instantly looser!
Now I'm gonna lay off the bread and other carbs for a few days, and stuff my body full of vegetables and fruit and gallons and gallons of water!
That outta help clean the rest of the crap (pardon the pun) out of my system!
It's amazing how damn grumpy it has been making me feel too!
I woke up this morning feeling disgusting!
Heavy, bloated and just revolting......
Now I feel light as air and twice as fresh!  
hahahahahahaha.....
And that is where I will leave it for now, cos I actually have work to do this morning!!!

Cheerio!!

Bugger!
I got caught up in a meeting and missed the weigh in...........
Plus - next week I will be out of the office on a two day course, so it is gonna be two weeks before I can weigh in "officially" again!
Ah well.......... maybe it was meant to be!
I think I probably would have cried anyway!  haha
24 minutes to go before hometime - YAY ME!!!

Oh yeah - still no poo action!  hahahahaha

Still no action........
I'm grumpy, my stomach is killing me and I just wanna have a crap goddammit!!!!!!!!!!
Weigh in today is gonna be atrocious!
The skirt that I have on is tight, my jersey is clinging to my every roll, and my ring (on my finger!!!!!) is threatening to cut off my circulation!!
I'm bloated, I'm fat and I'm just plain SICK OF IT!!!!
I had Bran flakes and seeds with yoghurt for breakfast - can't get much more fibre than that!!
I'm gonna have a shake with more lactulose syrup in it later on, and if that doesn't work, I'll be off to the Dr for some heavy duty stuff!
I HATE this feeling!

But on a positive note...........
I got my hair done last night and I no longer have dark roots!  
YAY!!!!
Although my hairdresser talks WAY too much and it took 2 1/4 hours just to get my regrowth done!
Think I might look for another hairdresser I think!

Righto - I've got a meeting this afternoon that I need to get a heap of reports prepared for, so best I get off my big fat heavy bloated ass and get cracking!
I'll be back with my weigh in result - however bad - later this afternoon.

I'm getting my hair done tonight - YAY!!!
I can't wait!!
It is long overdue and the regrowth looks terrible!
Funny how small things excite me!

WARNING!  Too Much Information Ahead!!!!

I'm not feeling that great today - I haven't been for a decent crap in about 5 days!
In fact, I haven't been for a crap at ALL in 5 days!!!!!
I even resorted to making my smoothie with Lactulose syrup (a liquid laxative)  in it this morning, but that hasn't even worked!
My body is completely fucked up I tell ya!!!
In the past when I have used the syrup, it works in about an hour, but this morning.............. NOTHING!!
If I don't have a dump soon - I swear I'm gonna pop!!!

OK - Gross stuff over!!!

Ooooo, but I must add............. I have tried prunes, I have tried kiwifruit, I have tried psyllium (sp?) husks, I've tried just about EVERY natural remedy known to man, and nothing - NOTHING works!
Yes - I have been to the Dr, apparently I have a "lazy bowel".
This has come about from years of yo-yo dieting, he reckons what happens, is that when you starve yourself (like I tried so hard to do back in the 90's) your bowel doesn't NEED to work as there is not enough to push through your system, therefore it gets lazy.
Of course, when you go back to eating "normally" the bowel takes a long time to catch up so to speak and you have problems.
Over the years, my bowel has completely given up on me, and although I eat WAY better now, it is still saying "F#%k You" and not doing it's job at all.
So there ya have it - a bowel lesson as given by Jo

Bet ya didn't expect that when ya woke up this morning huh?????

Oh yeah - I did finish early yesterday!
I went and picked up my girl from daycare early and took her shopping for new slippers!
Of course she wanted Bob The Builder ones (the ugliest ones in the shop), but I managed to talk her out of that and she chose some gorgeous little black and white puppy dog ones.  Too cute!
Funniest thing with her........ every morning we drive past the train station, and the timing of our journey usually means that there is a train actually at the station.
Every morning we see the train, she will say without fail "I went on a train with Aunty Steph in Australia aye mum?"
I mean it was a year ago, but she STILL says it every time we see a train!!!!!
And........ almost every time we see a taxi too!!!!!
Too cute!

Coffee time....

It's weird..... I work in a big office - maybe 30 people in here, we are all separated by partition type walling thingees (that's not the weird part)
It's now 11.14am and I have just had my very first conversation with another human being!
It's taken 3 hours to talk to someone......
The area that I work in, there are 3 of us, my boss, my co-worker and me.
My boss is on annual leave, my co-worker is on bereavement leave, so that just leaves me here all alone on a Tuesday.....
Anyway, I guess my point is, that I feel really lonely today..... it's just a weird feeling!
Even though there are people all around, they would have to go out of their way to come see me, and of course if they don't actually NEED me for anything - then why would they come by this way!
Ah well..... looks like it's gonna be a longish day for Jo!

My long weekend was fabulous...........
The plan for Friday night was for me to go out with a couple of girlfriends, and J to stay at home and a mate of his was going to come over and they were gonna play playstation.....
That was until I convinced them to come out!
Oooooopppps!!!!!!!
My "couple of drinks" turned into a full on party, and we got home at about 2.30am on Saturday morning!
It was an absolute blast though, and I had a ball!  
I'm glad that I don't do it too often anymore though hehehe..... the hangovers SUCK!!
Saturday afternoon we headed up to Mum & Dad's place in Foxton, dumped our stuff, then headed out to the beach to our friends house for a BBQ dinner.
It was a lovely relaxed evening, and I didn't partake in TOO much wine!
Sunday morning the builders were at mum and dad's place at 8am to carry on with building the new deck, so we didn't get a sleep in at all.....
Sunday lunch was another BBQ at the beach, and Sunday night was a relaxing evening at mum & dad's.
We got up early-ish on Monday morning (surprised the hell outta mum that's for sure!!!) and headed back down to Wellington.
Cleaned the house, unpacked the bags, caught up with J's sister, watched a couple of DVD's and were both asleep in front of the TV by 9.30pm!
Nanna's!!!!!!!

I successfully ate my way through the entire weekend, and obviously am kicking myself for it now!
Too much fresh bread, sausages, cheeses and alcohol, but hey - I had fun and it was awesome to catch up with everyone!
I just hope that I can reverse most of the damage by Thursday weigh in!  hahaha
I was too scared to hop on the scales this morning, so I just ignored the little buggers!  
Buried my head in the sand and came to work instead!  hahaha

Gonna take a long lunch today and go grocery shopping, making sure that I stock up with plenty of fresh veges and lean meat!
I get Rhian back today, so it's easier to do it at lunch time rather than after I collect her from daycare!  

Not much more to report..........  apart from the fact that I'm looking at buying/hiring a treadmill cos I just can't seem to get everything organised in time to get out for a walk after work when I have Rhian.....
Excuses excuses........ blah blah blah.....

Weigh in result:

Last week:  115.9 kg
This week:  115.5 kg
Loss:      400gm

Not a hell of a lot, but it's a loss and I'm taking the little buggar!!
Next week WILL be better!!!


SUPPORT:
The support that I get from reading online journals is fantastic!
It's always good to know that there are others out there that are going through the same types of issues that I am, be it bingeing, or drinking, or not exercising, or clothing issues or anything at all!
Sometimes I sit here and think that things are crap.
That I must be the only person in the world to have felt this useless / lost / upset / disappointed or whatever the emotion may be at the time!
But through years of reading others experiences, it has taught me that no matter what I am feeling, there is someone out there in Blogland that knows how I feel, and may be going through the exact same thing right then.
Of course, journals are also a great way to knock myself out of a funk......I know that if I am feeling crappy, or think that I need a kick up the butt, I can log on to one of my favs, and see the courage and determination that they have, and it is like a reality check for me to get off my lazy ass, stop feeling sorry for myself, and get out there and tackle my demons head on!
And of course, if it wasn't for blogging, I wouldn't have met some amazing woman, that I am now proud to call my friends!
You know who you are!
Of course there have been ups and downs in this journey of mine.....
Sometimes I have wanted to throw all my toys out of this damn cot and scream at the world!
It all seems too hard, it all seems so unfair.
But I guess the crux of the matter is this:
It is something that I have to deal with every single day for the rest of my life, so I might as well just suck it up and live with it!!!
Sometimes I find myself clinging to my past success, and sometimes that makes me mad.
But.... at the end of the day, it has been a huge achievement to lose over 50kg.  Sure, I may have gained a lot back when pregnant, but I took it off again.
Sure, I may still be a couple of kilos over my lowest weight, but it's been a 5 year journey, and if a couple of kilos are what I have to show for it, then I'm ok with that - for now.
I'm gonna get to goal, I know that.  It's just a matter of time......

It seems that my nagging at J about getting our spare room back, and finishing Rhian's room has paid off!
He announced yesterday that he is PAYING someone to come in and do the plastering, so all we have to do is the painting.... YAY!
I know how much he HATES plastering, and since he has contacts that will do it ultra cheaply - it makes sense!
He reckons it will be done within 2 weeks......... FANTASTIC!!!

Weigh in day today..... don't know what to expect, but I'm gunning for another loss - OBVIOUSLY!
The scales at home are showing 112.8kgs, but I can't remember what they were last week to compare to the Weight Watchers ones at weigh in!
Ah well, whatever will be will be.........

Had Chicken Pad Thai for dinner last night - YUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE anything with noodles in it - I'm a noodle feind!!!
That was a bit random............

I typed out a big journal entry for yesterday, but it isn't showing in blogger, so god alone knows where the hell it went to!
I update from work, via email, and don't keep a copy of the email when I send it, so all my words from yesterday are gone gone gone....
From memory I think all I rambled on about was support and determination and not giving up being the key things that have keep me going on this journey for 5 years....
I might try to reconstruct it again, cos I'm sure it was bloody interesting!!  hahahaha.....

Not a hell of a lot more to say this morning......
I'm trying to gain access to a customers web based order system and I can't - and it's PISSING ME OFF!!!!!

Oh My F%*ken God!!!!

At lunch time I was running late, the service station didn't have any sandwiches, just pies, and I HATE pies (except when I am pregnant but that is a whole other story!), so I settled on a yoghurt covered muesli bar.
Came back to work, munched down on my muesli bar, it wasn't too bad, almost filling even!
Went into a meeting, did some filing, ran a report or 2, then remembered I hadn't tracked my "lunch", so I open up my excel spreadsheet (yes I am VERY anal about tracking my points these days), then realised that I didn't know exactly how many points it was........
Picture me getting out my trusty cardboard points slide, and realising that the kj doesn't go up high enough!
*Slight panic*
So I drag out my calculator from the dark depths of my handbag (just for the record, it was in the same compartment as my ipod, nurofen, tape measure and cork screw - YES I carry a load of shit in my handbag!!), and fire it up......
I hit the POINTS button....
It asks for my kj
1810
Enter
Then the lovely little thing asks for the Sat Fat grams
Hold on, better drag the wrapper out of the bin again......
HOLY CRAP!!!
18.5gms of SATURATED FAT!!!!
I hit the Enter key with a hint of nervousness...
and in a split second (thanks to the wonders of modern technology) it flashes up those numbers that I really didn't want to see:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
8 1/2 points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For ONE freaken muesli bar!!!

Bloody hell!

That is effen insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moral of the story........... next time eat the damn rice crackers in ya drawer ya silly tart!!!!!!

Here endeth the lesson for today!

It's gonna be a great day!
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I haven't had the slightest inclination to kill anyone yet!  hehe...
It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for a girl!

The nana nap didn't happen yesterday afternoon.... I got home, did the vacuuming, packed up my TradeMe stuff and then J came home, we worked out our budgets (mine is looking very VERY sad by the way!  hehe) and then had toasted sandwiches for dinner!  
How totally UNEXCITING!!!
I couldn't be arsed cooking, J can't cook to save himself (well that's HIS excuse) and it was either toasted sandwiches or takeaways, and going by the look of our budgets................. takeaways are a thing of the past!  hahahaha...
I'm such a broke ass!  BUT....... I ALWAYS find money to buy whatever I want!  How the hell does that work?
Actually...... the takeaway thing... if the truth is actually known, he wanted McDonalds, I wanted Malaysian, and we couldn't reach a compromise, so the toasted sandwich maker got hauled out and that was that!
I came in 2 under points yesterday.... I'm allowed 24, I only had 22 - YAY ME!!!
Bugger being, is that on a Monday my water intake always seems to suffer - not sure why - maybe it's cos I SUCK at drinking water over the weekend, and Monday is just a carry on from that?  Ah well, shit happens!!!

Don't ya hate it when you get engrossed in a movie and HAVE to watch it to see what happens at the end, only to find out that the ending TOTALLY SUCKS!?!?!?!
That is EXACTLY what happened to me last night!
It was a movie on SKY and it had Colin Farrell *drool* in it.
The New World is what it was called, it started out pretty good, I got engrossed in it, and HAD to see the ending.....
It didn't finish until 10.45pm, but I thought it was gonna have a fairy tale ending and everyone would live happily ever after!
IT DIDN"T!!!
The chick DOESN'T get back with her first love, then she dies, and her hubby takes their son back to her homeland and that is where it finished!
TOTALLY PISSED OFF that I waited until 10.45pm to find out that not every story has a happy ending!  hahahaha...
Of course if I knew ANYTHING about American history, I would have already known how it was going to end, and I could have gone to sleep a lot earlier!
I guess the moral of this story is that GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND, and next time, just use the computer to find out the ending - and get to sleep sooner!
Hahahaha......
Geez I go off on a tangent sometimes huh?

OK - my job........
I have been with this company for nearly 5 1/2 years, and I will say without a shadow of a doubt - it is a FANTASTIC company to work for!
They really do care about their staff, we get amazing benefits, from Superannuation, to Medical insurance, staff purchases, extra annual leave, generous sick leave allowance and they even top up the parental leave (when you have a baby) to be your FULL SALARY for the time that the government pays the 80%.  
I really do enjoy working for this company, the people are fantastic and make it what it is......
BUT................  a few months ago I decided that I was "bored" with my position in customer services, it was the same customers with the same problems day after day.  I was dealing with the same people doing the same thing and I just became "stale" so to speak.
I needed a change........ my boss sensed this, and I was approached about taking on a new role, in a different department, doing completely different things.
I JUMPED at the chance of a new challenge, and the promises that came along with it.
Now, in June of this year, we ceased production in New Zealand and we now manufacture everything off shore.
This resulted in about 100 losing their jobs on the manufacturing floor, and our importing levels go through the roof.
The position that was created for me is in Logistics, and revolves around the imported products.
One person used to do this job, and she was constantly busy, even when we were manufacturing on site.
So of course they split the role in to two and now she handles imports from Australia, and I handle imports from the rest of the world.
Sounds good so far huh?  She was stressed at the level of work she had, it was going to get busier with more imports, lets take on another person to alleviate the pressure..... that'll work!!!
WRONG!!!
I've since learnt that the person I work with (bless her she is a LOVELY LOVELY girl) is a stress monger!!!
She doesn't handle pressure at all, can't do more than one task at a time, and is constantly making mountains out of molehills.
I firmly believe that the job should NEVER have been split in two, as there is not enough work here for the two of us, and as a result, we often find ourselves with nothing to no........ me more than her, cos I finish what I have quicker and don't stress about it!
So........... I am left wondering "What the hell am I gonna do?"
Do I start looking for another job with another company?
Do I stick it out here and go crazy with the amount of downtime I have?
WHAT THE HELL DO I DO????
I really don't want to leave this company, because like I said, it is a fantastic place to work, but at the same time, is the lack of work going to send me around the bend mentally?
I thought about taking on some extra-mural study next year, but the main problem there, is the fact that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up!!!!
I kind of just "fell" into the Customer Services type role, and although I enjoy it, I don't know if I want to be doing it forever.
ARGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Decisions, decisions!!!
I KNOW that I would be totally stupid to look at moving before Christmas, as it would mean that I wouldn't get paid leave over the Christmas break, so if I decide to do anything, it wont be until early 2008 anyway.
But I just don't know what to do..........
Time to do some soul searching and figure out what the hell I want to be doing...........

OK - so this has turned in to a novel......
And it's coffee time.....

MY GOD!!!!!
Today would have to be the most boring day in the history of boring days!!!!
Stupid freaken computer system was supposed to be up at 12noon, it's now 3.30pm and it only just came up about 15 minutes ago.
I've ALREADY finished what I needed to do, and so I sit here twiddling my thumbs, with no one to talk to (or annoy!)
Of course, just because I have finished what I need to do, doens't mean that everyone else has, so I better not go annoy them, cos I might get yelled at!  hehehe........ Ah what the hell..... I"ll go rark 'em up!!!
This morning I needed something to do to pass the time, so I dropped off Rhian's DVD's to Chris, dropped off some stuff to our warehouse branch, then went home and tidied Rhian's room, did a load of washing, vacuum packed some bedding (thanks for the idea mum - it's great!!!), folded some more washing, made our bed and then came back to work, to find NO ONE had phoned me, and NO ONE had emailed me!!  
I was gone for 2 HOURS, and no one even missed me!  How's that for a reality check???  How important am I?
NOT VERY!!!!!!
Hahahahahahahaha......... although it makes me wonder if I could get away with it more often!  *evil laugh*
Anyway, it's pissing down with rain outside, and I'm sitting here talking to myself to keep from falling asleep, so I might just head home early and pack up the TradeMe stuff I have sold in the past couple of days, ready for posting off.
Then I might try to get inspired and find something yummy to cook for dinner!!!
Or I might just go home, kick off my shoes, lay my lazy ass down on my newly made bed and have a goddamn nanna nap!!!
Ahhhhhhhh............. BLISS!!!!

The damn weekends go by too bloody quickly for my liking!!!
Saturday flew by in a blur.... I got out for a bit shopping and picked Rhian up some new sandals - which she has been wearing ever since, got myself a new pair of shoes (Yep - I'm a shoe whore!!!) and also a couple of vacuum storage bags - just like my mum!
Saturday night we had been invited out for drinks for a friends birthday, but since I had Rhian I decided not to go, and then J didn't want to go!
Anyway, his sister and her hubby were also invited, but didn't want to go so we all ended up going out for dinner instead!  
It was just to a local Malaysian restaurant, but it was lovely and cheap and the food was delicious, so it was a good evening!
Sunday saw Rhian awake at 6.15am, and when she is up, that means it's wake up time for mummy as well.....
We played puzzles and read some books and did some drawing, until the rest of the house was awake as well, then J's sister turned up with her 3 year old, and they screamed around the house for a while, then decided that they wanted to go to the park!
J's sister took them, and we (J and I) found ourselves at home by ourselves in the quiet for the first time in over a week!
It was BLISS!!!!!!!  We actually made the most of it, went and got a DVD (Oceans 11) and sat down in the peaceful quietness and watched it without any disturbances!  WONDERFUL!!!!
after that, we went to his sister's place for dinner, and the peace was broken as she had her two under 5's plus Rhian, plus her 13 year old, plus another 10 year old as well!
There were toys and balls and all sorts everywhere, but the kids were happy, so it was fantastic to see them playing so well together!
Dinner was Roast pork and veges, and I managed to restrain myself and not completely pig out - YAY ME!!
I figured that I had eaten too much the night before (Malaysian Roti bread has a LOT to answer for!!!) and I also had a couple of slices of pizza for lunch on Sunday, so I didn't need to over indulge any more!

God I babble on and on huh???

Anyway, Rhian is off to her dad's place this week, I have a haircut and colour planned for Wednesday night, drinks with some girlfriends on Friday night, and in between I'll be doing some sanding in Rhian's room so that we can finally get it plastered and move her back in there and get our spare room back!!!!
I'm even hoping to get out for some easy walks this week as well!
My leg and back are still playing up a little, but I'm sure that some easy walking wont make it any worse, so that is just what I will do!

Work today is dumb.... My boss is on annual leave, my co-worker is sick (there are three of us in my section) and the in house computer system is down until Midday!
I shoulda just stayed at home until Lunch time!  hehehehe....
Righto - time to check out TradeMe I think!  I have a few auctions closing today, so I'll see what they are doing.....

I LOVE the fact that I didn't have to get up to the alarm clock this morning, although we had a 3 year old blondini in our bed wriggling and squirming all night long, so I think if the alarm had screeeched at 6.30 I would have thrown it out the bloody window!!
I went out last night and J looked after Rhian, he also had his 13 nephew here and they played on the playstation for so long that he ended up staying the night.
We dont have a spare room at the moment, so he slept in Rhian's room, which meant she was in with us.
I LOVE snuggling with her, but for someone so little, she sure takes up a hell of a lot of room!
She has a tendancy to sleep sideways, so J was on one side, I was on the other, and she was sprawled out in the middle!
we both just looked at each other this morning and sid "never again!" and laughed! hehee..
Anyway, I've got a headache, had it most of yesterday too, so hopefully I can kick it to the curb today.
Last night the mini reunion for work was a great laugh, it was wonderful to see people that I used to work with, but also a little disappointing that more current employees didn't make an effort to go.
Hahahaha......... listen to me - yesterday I was contemplating pulling out myself!
Anyway, I'm glad I went and it was a pretty early night, I was home by 10.30pm.
I dropped the girls off (the other two that I went with) at a local pub on the way home, and since I had a headache, I headed home.
pretty sensible huh?
No hangover today, so that is a bonus!
Second load of washing is in the machine, breakfast is over and done with, so now it's time to start on teh rest of the housework I guess!
Once this headache goes......... it's gonna be a good day!

Although my morning got off to a rocky start........ I'm DETERMINED to make it a good day!
My bloody alarm didn't go off at 6.30am, and it was close to 7.10am when Rhian came in to wake me up!!!
Didn't help that both J and I were wide awake at 2.30am as neither of us could sleep!
Stupid thing is, that we were both in bed asleep in front of the tv by 9pm, yet wide awake at 2.30am!
I HATE THAT!!!
Anyway, things were a bit rushed this morning, cos Rhian insisted on making her own toast and getting herself dressed without my help....
Makes things take ten times longer, but gives me a happy girl!!
Didn't get in to work until nearly 9 cos traffic was bad too!
So in general, a pretty crappy way to start the morning!
BUT............ I found a delicious new thing for breakfast!
I have been meaning to buy yoghurt every day this week to have with my cereal, but every morning I forget until I am sitting at my desk looking for breakfast!
Anyway, this morning, I remembered that I had some 5% Philli cream cheese in the fridge here, so I had a couple of plain rice cakes, some philli and a light spread of jam!  YUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
All for just 4 points!!  It was "almost" like eating a bagel with cream cheese!  
I wont have it often, but it will make a great treat that's for sure!!!
I am thinking of trying out a new salad bar for lunch... a couple of workmates went earlier in the week and reckon it is just DIVINE!
Here's the website address:  www.kapaisalads.co.nz
I still can't figure out the link thin - as you can guess!
I have the HTML code, but it just wont work when I update via email like I am right now.
OK, so Rice cakes for breakfast, salad for lunch and I think it is a buffet for dinner at the mini work reunion that I am going to.
Still don't really wanna go, but I'm going to anyway, and try to enjoy it!  hehehe...
And that is it for now from Planet Jo

Last week:  117.0 kg
This week:  115.9 kg
Loss:  1.1 kg

Isn't it funny that no matter how much I lose, I am never happy with it???

I wanted to lose more, I "expected" to lose more, and am now sitting here a little disappointed.

Crazy I know, cos 1.1 kg is a GREAT loss!!!

Gotta get the whole negative thing outta my head and take the loss and run with it!

"Only" 7.9 kg to go to get back to what I was when I met J!!!

I can't believe I gained 9kgs since I met him!!!

Bloody man - has a lot to answer for!  hahahaha.................. INCLUDING my smile!

I'm actually looking forward to weighing in!!!
How crazy is that!
I KNOW I have been good, and I just want to see the results NOW!!!
Pity I have 5 hours to wait!  hehehehehe
Last night was a very easy dinner of scrambled eggs on toast, made with lots of help from Madam Rhian.
She HAD to mix the eggs, then she HAD to butter the toast, then she HAD to stir the eggs in the pan!!
Too cute!  My little girl is growing up too blimmen fast these days!!!
Fairly boring evening.... Rhian bathed and in to bed by 7.30pm, caught the end of Shortland St, read some Blogs, checked out TradeMe, then just started watching Extreme Makeover (thinking of The Fabulous Helena (www.leenienz.blogspot.com) the whole time), when J came home from his meeting and promptly changed the channel!
That boy can't stand ANY type of blood or gore AT ALL!  hehehehe.... sooky la la!!
Anyway, I digress........ what I was getting at, is that my night was uneventful, but sometimes it is just good to have a relaxing quiet time!  hehe
Think I might be getting old!
I have a mini-reunion to go to tomorrow night for past and present employees of the company that I work for.
But since I found out yesterday that there are not many people going, I'm not sure I want to go anymore!
It's only for 3 hours, so I guess that isn't too bad, but I'm not sure I can be bothered going out and making small talk with people that I may or may not know!
Maybe that is just the frame of mind that I am in today - hopefully tomorrow I would have changed it and I'll be looking forward to going.
Ah well, I'm babbling now..... so I'll sign off here and be back later with my weigh in results.

Crap weather here..... after yesterday it sucks, cos it was nice!
Did that make sense?
Seem to have a lot of work on at the moment which is good - it keeps me out of trouble and away from food!
Food has been great this week, I got prepared and stocked up on stuff to eat at work, so that saves me eyeing up the lollie jar!
Rice cakes, rice crackers, salsa, cereal for breakfast - all the good stuff!
Dinner last night was home made burgers and home made wedges, bloody nice!
Not too sure what tonight will bring as J has a meeting and I can't be bothered cooking for just me and Rhian!
I'm sure I'll think of something easy though!  hehehe....
TOM has brought on a bit of PMT I think, and I'm cranky and crampy and just really short tempered today....
J wore the brunt of it this morning when he asked me to make him some toast while I was making Rhian's!
I just snapped back that his bloody legs weren't broken and he could make his own effen toast!
The look on his face told me that I was being a b1tch, but he dared not say anything!  hahahaha....
Haven't snapped at anyone at work so far today, so that's a good sign!  
Work to do....... see ya!

Someone asked me what my name is on TradeMe:

wishuponakiwi

Busy busy busy today.......  YAY!!!

TOM reared it's damn ugly head this morning, and although I was expecting it, I still hate it!
Last night all I wanted was sweet things!  And this morning is no better!
I was totally unorganised this morning, and didn't get breakfast before i raced out the door, so all I have had is a WW Cereal bar.
It satisfied the sweet craving for about 5 minutes, and now I am hungry again and looking for ANYTHING!!
Thank god the bosses lollie jar is nearly empty and the only ones left in the bottom are ugly dried up licorice or orange jelly beans!
I have a "thing" about orange lollies!  I just can't stand them, so no matter how desperate I get for sugar - they will remain in the bottom of the jar!!
Might have to make a trip to the supermarket at morning smoko time and stock up on some healthy options!
We are lucky (or unlucky - depending on how you look at it) to have a HUGE supermarket about 5 minutes away - 5 minutes walking that is!
Anyway - I've got work to do, so best I do it.......

Been bloody busy at work today - YAY ME!!!
Makes a change - so I'm happy!

Food over the weekend was 80% good, 20% not so good.
Had dessert on Friday night which I could have done without!
Went out with the girls on Saturday night, didn't over indulge too badly in alcohol, but DID succumb to a Burger King burger at about 1am Sunday morning!
Sunday we went to Yum Cha for lunch, and I TRIED to stick to the steamed stuff, and since most of the selection had either mushrooms, or seafood in them, I didn't actually eat a lot!
Sunday night was roast chicken, and I was well restrained - even when all the others had ice cream, I declined!
Had a couple of the kids lollies on Sunday afternoon - but I'm not letting that worry me at all!
Did over 14,000 steps on Saturday!  That's what you get when you trek around the city with a group of drunk girls, and dance ya ass off!
It was fantastic!!!!!
Sunday I got out shopping (did close to 8,000 steps) and left J in charge of the kids - we were looking after his sisters kids for a couple of hours, and Rhian was there as well.
When I got home, the two girls (Rhian and his niece) had decided to put conditioner all through their hair, so they looked lovely!!!!
Lord only knows what J thought they were doing, but the moral of the story is this:
NEVER leave a bloke in charge of little girls when there is a playstation AND a teenager there to side track him!  hahahahahaha......
Today I had a salad sandwich for lunch, and tonight it is trim pork stir fry for dinner, so not very exciting, but totally healthy!
Water intake is still averaging around 1.5 - 2.5 litres per day, so that's all good!
I must admit that I have slipped back in to a coffee routine.... one in the morning before work and one at morning tea time.
SO not nearly as bad as the 8 - 10 cups I was having per day, but I will be keeping a close eye on it so that it doesn't get back up there that's for sure!!!
Found a heap of stuff to sell on TradeMe over the weekend, I've listed the shoes already today, so now I just have to list all the clothes!!  I HATE that part!
I'm terrible with shoes - I see something that I like, I just HAVE to have them!
Case and point - I was out with my mum a few weeks ago - found a GORGEOUS pair of high heeled red "hooker" shoes, HAD to have them!!!!
I've worn them once, they are quite comfy, but just too damn high for me!  GUTTED!!!
So - Off they go to a new owner!  hahahahaha.......
Oh yeah - got a great couple of bargains yesterday while enjoying having some kid free time!
The Warehouse had duck down duvet inners on sale, so I picked up one for Rhian's bed, $98 down to $23, and an extra one for my bed, $138 down to $32!!!  Does it get any better?!?!?!?!
Oh yeah - I also got a toasted sandwich make cos our old one is on it's last legs, down from $69.99 to $39.99 at Briscoes.
And the great thing about it, is that it doesn't cut the sandwiches in half when it makes them - I have been looking for one like this for months and months and months!
So all in all it was a great weekend!
I'm POSITIVE that my health is improving, and DETERMINED that I am NOT going to have any more time off sick this year!
Hey, it's a big ask, but I'm sure that now I am treating myself a lot better, my body will thank me for it and reward me by NOT getting sick at all!
Hahahahaha........ cross ya fingers for me!!!

10am and I'm two loads of washing down - 1 to go.
Dishes are done, bed is made, and the sun is shining!
I LOVE waking up without a hangover *giggles*
We went out last night for a little bit, I wasn't intending to at all, but J rang and invited me to teh drinks that he had been invited to by one of his clients.
We were just gonna have a polite drink then head off to dinner by ourselves, but before we knew it, the client had organised us all (there was about 20 in total) to have dinner at the Workingmans club where we were, so it would have been rude to walk out then!
We had a lovely buffet dinner, then a couple more drinks, then moved to a different bar.
Had a drink there, then we made our excuses and came home.
Pretty sure it was BEFORE 10pm by the time we got home and into bed - BOTH SOBER!!
Makes a lovely change for us that's for sure! hahaha...
Today will be spent going through my wardrobe for stuff to sell on TradeMe and then I have to head off to buy some new night shirts, cos the ones I have are nearly falling apart!
Not very exciting, but better than wasting the day with a hangover!
Righto - Hope you are all having a lovely weekend so far!

Back at work today - thank god - I was starting to go a bit stir crazy by yesterday afternoon!

Pretty busy at work too, so that makes a pleasant change, cos usually I am looking for work to keep me occupied!

Got a quiet weekend planned, and am looking forward to relaxing and maybe even get some more of Rhian's room done.
Although I can't do the plastering, but I can certainly nag at J until he starts it!  hahaha...

Righto - lunch time now for me - YAY!

I'm so over feeling like shit - it's stupid!!
I have had such a bad run lately, I think I've had more time at home than I have at work in the past month!
Between Rhian and her conjunctivitis, and me with all my problems, I'm going insane!
I came home at lunch time yesterday after putting up with stomach cramps and nausea most of the morning.
I called the nurse and asked her if all the medication I have been prescribed is OK to take together, and she has told me that the anti-histamines are ok, so I can continue them, but I have had to stop the pain killers and anti-inflammatories (for my back and leg pain) for 48 hours and see if the stomach complaints cease.
Maybe they are too strong for me together, maybe it is just one of them, so in 48 hours i have to start taking one of them again, and in the meantime, rely on panadol if I need to.
Anyway, I am home again today, cos not only did I wake with a wicked headache, but I also have back pain, and stomach pain too!
I tell ya - I'm just about ready to jump off a bloody cliff and put myself out of all this damn misery!
Hahahahaha - KIDDING!!!!!!
But I am honestly over it all - that's for damn sure!
Of course today is my weigh in at work, and since I'm not there, I can't weigh in!
Gutted, cos I was looking forward to finding out how well I had done.
The scales at home are reading about 1.5kgs lighter than this time last week, so I was hoping for a good loss "officially"!
Ah well, not a lot I can do about it - except STAY ON TRACK and aim for an even bigger loss next week huh?
Righto - I'm off to make a cup of tea and get back into bed!
Hope everyone out there in blogging land is feeling a hell of a lot better than me at present!
Oh - congrats to www.jeans4me.blogspot.com MUM for her loss this week!!!!
If I knew how to do a damn link I would!!!

After another restless night - I'm bloody tired today!
Short tempered, sleepy, and just generally a bit of a misery guts to be honest!
I took the anti-histamine and although I expected it to stop the itching.............. IT DIDN'T!!!
I PLASTERED myself with cream, and that didn't work either!!!
PLUS, I noticed that I now have another two new spots!
NOT FAIR!!!!
I wish I could blame it on something........ like a cat!
Hahahaha - we don't have a cat, we don't even have carpet!!!
When I got home last night, not only did I change the sheets on the bed, but I also got the fly spray out and attacked the mattress and electric blanket too.
Just in case the little bugger was still alive!  hahaha...
Anyway, more spots are present this morning, the itching is insane, I just want to hide form the world, but the upside is - my back and leg ain't hurting!  
Oh yeah - and if the instructions on anti-inflammatories say to take with food.........
TAKE WITH FOOD!!!!!!
We had dinner last night, I forgot to take my voltaren.
We went around to J's sister for a couple of hours, then came home and sent to bed.
I remembered I hadn't taken it, so I thought I should have it before I went to sleep, I didn't even THINK about the fact that I was supposed to take it with food!
WELL.......................... my god!!  My stomach felt like it was being ripped out about 20 minutes later!!!
I was doubled over in pain, and didn't quite know what to do to get relief.
I had a drink of milk, and that didn't work, so J made me a honey sandwich, and luckily after about 5 minutes the pain eased!
There endeth the lesson for the day - ALWAYS obey the instructions on pill packets!!!!
Weigh day tomorrow - I'm quietly optimistic, hoping for a good loss, knowing that I have been the good diet girl this week is adding to my confidence!  hehe..
But, tomorrow will tell I guess!
Righto - I'm off to rub in some more cream and hopefully ease some of this damn itching!
ARGH!!!!!!

NOT scabies!
NOT shingles
NOT chickenpox

It's an allergic reaction to an insect bite!!!
Well, a cluster of insect bites actually!
He is 95% sure that it was a pesky little flea that attacked my thigh and gave me 6 lovely bites last week!
The ongoing spots are a result of my body not taking too kindly to that little bugger, and basically trying to fight it, but in fact replicating it!
He gave it a big fancy name, but to be honest, I was just so damn pleased that it wasn't scabies, that I didn't pay much attention to the medical name! hehehe...

So, now I have antihistamines to take, cream to rub on, and "lovely" pinetarsol solution to bath in!
All should be good in a couple of days..... except the smell of pinetarsol I imagine! hahaha

*RELIEVED SIGH*

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went to the chemist, and he seems to think that the spots I have are scabies!!!!!
So Susan - you might just be right!  hehehehehe
Although when I got back to work, I googled it (bless technology) and the symptoms that I have don't really match the symptoms of scabies.
Well, some of them do, but others don't.
Like it says that they are usually prominent around the toes, fingers breasts, buttocks, neck and armpits.
I don't have any in any of those places, except one on one toe.
Oh yeah - it also says they are common on the penis - Glad I don't have to worry about that one!!!  *giggles*
It also says that they are small and pimple like in appearance, but mine are bigger and look more like itchy bites.
Another thing that confuses me is that scabies are supposed to be highly contagious and can be transmitted by something as simple as a handshake.
Well, Rhian and J are completely spot free, and I have had close *wink* contact with J over the past week, and I've shared baths with Rhian as well.
Plus I share a bed with J (duh!) and Rhian too at times (gotta love 3 year old's huh?) and it says that bedding is a common place for the mite to live.
So these things don't make sense at all.
Anyway, I have made an appointment with the Dr for this afternoon, so hopefully I will know one way or the other in about an hour!!!
So back to Upper Hutt I go, and spend another $50 at the Dr, but hey - if it gives me peace of mind - WHO CARES HUH?  hehehehe....
Hopefully I'll be back later and will be able to report that I don't have scabies......
I don't even like the word!  
Makes my skin crawl........... *inserted demented laugh here!*

If it's not one thing with my health........ it's another!
I've got spots!
And I don't mean pimples on my face either!
They look like itchy bites, and that is what I thought they were to start with....
I got 6 in a cluster on the top of my thigh last week - i think it was Tuesday or Wednesday.
I didn't think too much about it to be honest, then the next day, I got a couple more down on my ankle.
OK, so I thought I must have been attacked in the night by a mosquito or something....
But every day, I have been getting a few more and a few more, and this morning I have woken up with about 10 new ones!!
On my back, my knee, my toes, my ankle, and my arms.
NOT FAIR!!!!!
I can only think that it must be an allergic reaction to something.... but I can't think of what!
I haven't changed anything lately - still using the same shampoo, the same conditioner, the same soap, the same soap powder.....
I can't even think of anything new that I have been eating to give me a reaction.
All I know is that it is driving me CRAZY!!!!!!!!
I was awake at 1am this morning scratching like a mad woman!!!
So I'm gonna head off to the chemist today and see if I can't get some kind of relief!!!
There HAS to be something that I can get to ease the incessant itching!!!
Anyway........ at least my back and leg pain is just about gone with the painkillers and anti-inflammatories that I am on!  hahahaha
Had good intentions of bringing my lunch to work today, but totally ran out of time, so I'm thinking I might head home at lunch time and hang some washing out and make some lunch at the same time - all this AFTER I go to the chemist of course  hehehehe...
Righto - babbling now.... time to do some work :)

Back from the Dr, and she reckons it isn't sciatica!
She thinks it is a "Lumbar Sprain" mixed with a little "Trochanteric Burstitis"
She explained a little about what it is and means etc, gave me some strong painkillers and anti-imflammatories and said that physio may help.
Wanted to give me time off work, but since I just sit here all day, I couldn't really see the point!
So, there wont be any walking for me until the pain is gone, but I'm not overlly concerned cos I know that I have to get it better, or face more pain.
It's a no brainer really!
Righto - so I'm all drugged up now, wonder how my concentration levels are gonna be?
Hahahahaha....

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stayed COMPLETELY 100% totally ON TRACK for the entire weekend!!!!!
I even managed to stick to my resolve about having an alcohol free weekend!!!
Well, OK........ I did have 3 TINY glasses of wine on Friday night, but I swear they were teeny tiny and not even enough to give me a "glow"
I guess it helped that I have felt like utter crap most of the weekend, and wasn't in the mood for drinking at all!!  hahaha
My back is still playing havoc with my sciatica and as a result I am off to the Dr this morning, cos I just can't take the pain any more!
My exercise is non existant and it is driving me insane!
It even hurts to sit!  hahahahaha.......
Anyway - back to food......
I had a small slice of cake on Saturday and four crackers with cheese this was all before dinner, but I counted every single point and still managed to come in just under my daily allocation of 24.
Sunday, Rhian and J had fish and chips for lunch, but I stuck to my guns and had rice crackers and tuna..... and felt damn righteous in doing so too!
It was wonderful - makes me wonder why the hell I make bad choices at other times!!!
I've loaded up the fridge at home with fresh vegetables and am determined to make healthy meals this week.
Tonight we are having chicken and salad wraps - almost like a doner kebab I guess!
I can't wait!!  hahaha
At this stage I don't have any social plans for the entire week, and even next weekend, so there is no reason for not being able to plan plan plan and stick to it!
If only I could get out and walk as well, then things would be even better!
Righto - I'm just babbling now, so I'm gonna go do some work - that's what I'm here for huh?