Monday, September 10, 2007
Back to work today...
Back to work today and I am OVER IT already!!!
It's gonna be a LOOOOOONG week this week.....
Today is D-Day for me.
I've been fucking around for too long.
I've been blaming things on everyone / everything / ANYTHING else, EXCEPT MYSELF!!!
When in actual fact - I'm the ONLY one that I can blame anything on!!!!
Bloody hell Jo - it's not rocket science for gawds sake!!
If you eat shite food - you WILL get FAT.
If you don't exercise - you WILL get FAT!
If you smoke - you have a damn good chance of dying of lung cancer!!!
If you drink too much alcohol - you have a damn good chance of getting some other kind of health problem that will shorten your life!
How hard is that all to take in????
I'm NOT a dumb person.
Yet I have been cruising along in life ignoring all that I know to be true, and living in my own little bubble, hoping that maybe, just maybe, none of that will apply to me!
GET REAL!!!!!
START USING THAT BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So now I'm just plain angry!
I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at the scales, I'm angry at the fact that I have let myself go for so long, and for so many kilos, and now I have to start again!
Today I MUST do this for me.
And I MUST do this for Rhian, so that she can have a healthy mum and not one standing on the sidelines of life.
Today is the first day of the rest of my HEALTHY life!
I'm embarrassed and ashamed to report the numbers from the scales this morning:
117.6kgs!
I've GAINED around 5 kgs in about 2 weeks!!!
Yip - totally disgusting!!! I agree!!!
I'm so mad at myself for doing this..... my clothes are tight, I feel gross and puffy and sore and just YUCK!!!
How the hell did I "live" at 162kgs?
ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop bitching about it, and get on and DO IT!
The fridge is loaded with fruit and vegetables from the market on the weekend, the freezer is full of lean cuts of meat, the cupboards are free from chocolate and biscuits and chippies and other crap - mainly cos I have eaten it all over the past week!!!!!
My cigarettes were handed to J this morning, and he was told to get them out of my sight.
The coffee has been replaced with herbal teas and water, and my (almost forgetten) walking shoes are sitting ready for a walk tonight after work.
Like I said - it's gonna be a tough week.
I've already got a headache, I'm already shitty at the world and myself, I've already had to pee 50 million times this morning!!!!
BUT............ I can do this!
I'm gonna have caffiene withdrawals, I'm gonna have nicotine withdrawals, I'm gonna have sugar withdrawals and I'll probably even have fat withdrawals, but it will be worth it!
I need to get through this week and come out the other side smiling and feeling a LOT better than I do this morning, cos God knows, I dont think I could feel much worse!!!!!
Comments:
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Wow Jo... D-day indeed! It is so hard sometimes when you know what's best, but something is still holding you back. Sometimes I spose you just have to push past it and know that you're doing it for your long term health and for children's future.
Take that will power and run with it. You have done so well to keep those 40+ kilos off so far... you can do it! We've all seen you do it before, you can do it again and get closer to your goal and into that virgin fat! ;)
Kate x
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Take that will power and run with it. You have done so well to keep those 40+ kilos off so far... you can do it! We've all seen you do it before, you can do it again and get closer to your goal and into that virgin fat! ;)
Kate x
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