Friday, November 02, 2007
I'm back.... and now the weekend!
I've spent the last two days on a "Coaching & Feedback" course, which I really enjoyed!
I thought I would hate it, but if I'm honest, I did actually get quite a bit out of it!
Anyway, two days was long enough, and I'm glad to be back at work!
Although today has been rather busy catching up on two days worth of work.....
I've decided to stay where I am - work-wise.
I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and I have a couple of options.....
I can either give up on this place and start fresh somewhere else, or I can make this job work for me!
Pros and Cons to both of course!!!
Good points about leaving would be that I would get to meet new people, have a new challenge, and feel "fresh" again.
Bad points about leaving would be that I have no formal qualifications so to walk in to another job on the same $$ that I am on now would be virtually impossible!
Being a "single parent" I can't afford to drop in salary even slightly, so that thought scares the be-jeezuz out of me! Of course then there is the chance that I might leave here and HATE my new job too!
Good points about staying include the fact that I am on "good" money, I know the company, I know the people, I know the "culture" of this place, and I like them all. Bad points about staying could include the fact that I am bored several times a day, and for a person that thrives on pressure, that ain't a good thing!
So........ I took it upon myself to arrange a meeting with my manager today, and point out the fact that I WANT to make this job work for me, and that I don't want to leave, but if things don't improve, then I will have no choice.
He was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!
And as a result, I will be taking over a chunk of his work which includes importing and exporting a specific product, something that has NEVER been passed on to anyone before, but he knows I can handle it, so I am the lucky one!!!
YAY ME!!!
There are also a number of smaller projects that I will be taking leadership of, so I am confident that I can turn my "funk" around and actually start to get enthused about my position here. Now that has got to be a good start huh?????
I just wish that the rest of my life was so easy to sort out!!!
My eating has turned to complete SHIT!
I am successfully managed to watch the scales climb higher and higher each week that I haven't been to weigh in, and I am now sitting nearly HIGHER than what I was when I re-started!!!
The numbers this morning flashed up 116.4kgs!!!
I'm lost, I'm uninspired, I'm lethargic, I'm bloated, I'm fat, and my wardrobe is getting seriously limited!!!!!
I caught a look at myself in the mirror as I walked past it the other day, and was DISGUSTED to see the chubbiness starting to creep back around my once defined cheekbones!
I tried on a gorgeous halterneck top that I won off TradeMe on Wednesday and was alarmed to see my rapidly disappearing collarbones sinking in to the fat laden chest and shoulder area that once I used to be proud of.....
I am scared to even attempt to try on my "skinny" jeans (not skinny leg jeans - GOD FORBID!!!!) as I can imagine my thunderous thighs looking like overstuffed sausages sticking out the bottom of a substantial "muffin top" bulging over the waistband of my jeans - that is of course if I could even get the zip and button done up!!!!!!
OK, ok so I am probably a bit of a drama queen here, cos it was just yesterday that a co-worker told me that I looked fantastic and that I looked as though I had lost more weight!!!
BUT........... it's not about how others perceive me that I am worried about here........ it's how I see myself, and at the moment I see myself as a big fat lazy pig who can't get herself motivated enough to save her own life!!!!!
I haven't cooked a decent meal in over a week, in fact one night this week we had a packet of cheezels out of Rhian's treat box and a toasted sandwich!!!! Closely followed up by a mini milky bar and a glass of lemonade!!
Where the fuck did my motivation go??
Who the hell took it and where the hell did they put it dammit?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I WANT IT BACK!!!
And I want it back NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You hear me???????
I don't want to be fat!
I don't want to be out of breath after walking up the 51 goddamn steps to get to my office!
I don't want to be known by name at the local takeaway bar!!!!!
I don't want my grocery bill to be 1/2 filled with chippies and chocolates and the plethora of other random "crap" that is so often listed!!!!
Where the hell is the magic pill that will make me skinny!
Isn't that supposed to have been invented by now dammit?!?!?!?!
I'm far too chicken shit to ever have an operation, so I can't whinge about not having the money to do that, cos even if I was the richest fat bitch in the world - there still aint no way in hell that I would get my "stomach stapled"........ can you spell "CHICKEN SHIT PUSSY GIRL!?!?!?!?!"
AARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's all too fucken hard at times I tell ya!!!!!
But I'll also tell you this........................
There is a trolley full of caramello chocolate sitting about 5 metres away from my desk, and I'm ignoring the bastard!
We had a morning tea "shout" this morning, and those beautiful sausage rolls remained on the plate and NOT in my gut.
So as long as I still have the strength to resist this crap SOME of the time.................. THERE IS STILL HOPE!!!!!!!!
And hope is all I need!!!!!
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You summed it up well at the - hope is all you need!!
Take a look at the big picture and how you've done up to now, and really you aren't much higher than your lowest weight. You can do it!
Pleased you've sorted out your job as well.
Take a look at the big picture and how you've done up to now, and really you aren't much higher than your lowest weight. You can do it!
Pleased you've sorted out your job as well.
Oh Jo come on girl
DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF
you can do this kiddo
Do it one day at a time(that is my motto at present) Tomorrow get up have a healthy breakfast and start the day as u mean to go on to f*** with the other days just focus on tomorrow...
Go Jo Go Jo GO Go GO
DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF
you can do this kiddo
Do it one day at a time(that is my motto at present) Tomorrow get up have a healthy breakfast and start the day as u mean to go on to f*** with the other days just focus on tomorrow...
Go Jo Go Jo GO Go GO
OMG you sound so much like me, having just changed jobs the stress that I went through was shocking, cause I loved my job, the people and every thing that went with it but I was bored and needed a new challenge, but when I got the new challenges I was so scared that I was tempted to reseign from the new job and stay in the old job, how silly was I after a month I think why did I do it to myself....I couldn't stop eating cause when the stress happens the bad eating starts but you have done so well...just enjoy life and when you don't put the pressure on yourself you will fall back into the right mind frame......I know you will get there :) Have a good weekend :)
Yep you can do it :) Read that stuff I sent you a while ago and see that what you think does make a difference. Tell yourself each day ...I am losing weight, I am eating healthy, I am making healthy choices, I am feeling good about myself. Then before you can turn around it will be happening. I know it all sounds like Mumbo Jumbo LOL, BUT, it does work......how the hell do you think I've got this far!!!!! LOL. Each day start anew....You can & will succeed.
Luv Ya
Ma xoxoxoxo
Luv Ya
Ma xoxoxoxo
I know where our motivation went... YOUR BLOODY MOTHER stole it... stole it I tell ya! And now she's pissing off to Aussy and taking it with her no less!!! What a tart! Ha ha ha, we are in the same boat mate, struggling again... shit shit shit. I am sure we will 'find' it again though, cos we have come too bloody far to give up eh? Have a good weekend, be good! I will if you will.
Dearest Jo,
If you can go to your boss and tell him you need something more from your job, you can beat this. You have willpower. You do. Everything we do is based on a decision. We probably rationalize in our heads that it's okay. I do it all the time. But, if you look at the pros and cons of weight loss, the pros definitely "outweigh" the cons. Just like your job.
Hang in there girl. BTW, I hope you will be getting more money for the extra responsibility. That would only be fair.
If you can go to your boss and tell him you need something more from your job, you can beat this. You have willpower. You do. Everything we do is based on a decision. We probably rationalize in our heads that it's okay. I do it all the time. But, if you look at the pros and cons of weight loss, the pros definitely "outweigh" the cons. Just like your job.
Hang in there girl. BTW, I hope you will be getting more money for the extra responsibility. That would only be fair.
I know how you feel, I tto have a "New Man" and proceeded to lay on 6kgs... youd think we lose weight... Christmas is coming, do this one day at a time.... one day at a time, God I sound like Suzanne Prentice!!!!
cheers
cheers
# posted by 
: 2:36 am, November 04, 2007
: 2:36 am, November 04, 2007
I hear ya sister!!!!!
OMG... I sooo know how you are feeling... one step at a time and we both can get back on track.
Love Chubbymum
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OMG... I sooo know how you are feeling... one step at a time and we both can get back on track.
Love Chubbymum
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