Just4Jo - A fat chick trying not to be...

I'm not at home today, so I can't weigh in....
I'm at mums for the weekend, so it will have to wait until next week.
Although I KNOW that the numbers probably wouldn't have gone down this week!
Have eaten too much "wrong" stuff and not enough "right" stuff!
Plus, the gym hasn't seen my butt for over two weeks!!!
Back to the gym on Monday, and back to eating better today - enough of the "diet holiday" for this slimmer!!
Four weeks left in the "Biggest Loser" challenge at work, and I'm not too sure where I stand in the running, but hopefully it will be better than 14th!!
Weigh day for that on Tuesday, so we'll see.
Righto - time to go get a haircut now.........
Have a great weekend everyone!!

Another loss, another step closer to the virgin fat....
Lost 600grams this week, so it takes me down to 115.1kg.
Was hoping to be under 115, but hey - a loss is a loss is a loss right??
Lots going on in the land of Jo, thanks for your support and kind words....
I'll be back one day soon...

Don't ya hate it when you go to check out someone's blog and they haven't updated in a few days?
Yep - I really hate it!
yet here I am, not updating much......
I dont really have much to say, I am still 110% on track and 150% motivated, but have some other stuff going on in my life which kind of takes precidence at the moment.
I'll talk about it soon, but for now I'll be updating pretty sporadically and it will be only weight related.
Thanks for reading, and understanding that although there is some pretty bad shit going on in the world today, we all have our own problems and they are not insignificant to the person/people involved.
Hope this makes sense.... I'm sure it will all fall into place in a few weeks time.
Until then.... happy eating, happy weighing, and may your lives be filled with all the love, happiness and clarity that you desire...

Went to the gym this morning - had a great workout, but the best thing about the morning, was the SAUNA!
SOOOOOOOOO NICE!!!!!
I will definately be doing that again, and soon!
Had afternoon tea with the some gorgeous gals this afternoon, and had a good old catch up.
It was a great way to laugh away a couple of hours...
Thanks Gals - just what I needed!!!
Might try to drag my tired ass to the gym again in the morning before work tomorrow - dunno - I'll see how I sleep tonight....

Another loss this week
Another 1.1kg gone.
Takes me down to 115.7kgs.
Only 7.7kgs to go until I hit the virgin fat...
Can't wait!!!

Geez, when I am on fire - I'm really on fire!
I don't have anything to complain about...
I went to the gym as planned last night and although it was packed, we still had a good workout.
Food has been 100% brilliant today, as has the 2 litres of water that I have drunk..
That's it - I'm ON FIRE!!!
And outta here!

Not much to say today to be honest - except that I am going to the gym after work and am really looking forward to having a good workout!
I love the feeling that I get after I have worked up a sweat, and I know that I have done my body some GOOD!
YAY ME!!!

Oh yeah - forgot to mention yesterday when I was talking about the "culling" of the friend.....
She is actually a nice person - just not right for me.
Too immature and needy.
Not that those qualities are bad, but when I don't want them in my life, then they aren't good for me.
Sorry - just wanted to clarify that I don't think she is a bad person, or a dork or anything else...... just that we are not compatible as friends.
Miles apart in fact, and that is the way that it will stay...

Not sure what I am doing with my hair.
That is a bit random huh?
Hahahahahaha.....
OK, so I don't know whether to get it cut off short again, or continue to let it grow and get a bit of length in it again!
I have these dilemmas every now and then!!

OK - more work to do now....
2 hours and 37 minutes before I can go to the gym.....
Counting down is scary!!!

I officially resigned as a Tupperware Lady on Friday night.
I am calling that the "first step" in getting back to me.
There was only one party lined up, and I have given that to my manager to do with as she pleases.
Another Fund-raiser was also on the cards, but I have given the details of that to her as well.......
The time that went into Tupperware was the killer.  It wasn't only actually going out to do that parties, but it was collating orders, packing orders, going to meetings, going to trainings, and of course, you can't forget the constant pressure that was placed on becoming a "Manager in training".
Something that I was very clear in telling my manager I did NOT want to become, but the subtle hints were always forthcoming, and it was just an added pressure that I feel was not needed in my life.
So there.
I have a few loose ends to tidy up - but from now on, the only time I will mention the word Tupperware, is when I maybe want to buy some!!
And at full price - I am sure that it wont be often!!  Hahahahaha...
The dealer discount was amazing!  
But not amazing enough to warrant carrying on as a dealer.
It is like a mini weight has been lifted off my shoulders to be honest.
I didn't realise how much pressure I put on myself.
But now that pressure is gone, and so is the stress!

Now, the next step in GETTING BACK TO ME, is culling a "friend"
How the heck do you do that???
She adds no value to my life, and I am pretty sure that I must add bugger all value to hers!!
I am constantly trying to avoid her, and we really don't have anything in common.
We "accidentally" became friends about a year ago.
She was drunk, I made sure she got home OK, and she has been a bit of a cling-on ever since.
So, from now on, I wont be answering her inane texts.
Sounds harsh - but I wont miss her.

Step three??
Dunno yet - I'm working on that one!!!!

Check out those numbers gals!!!!!
116.8kg!!!!
Means a 1.4kg loss for me this week - WAHOOOOO!!!!!!!
I'm on a roll I tell ya!
It's amazing what I can do when I am focused!
Been to the markets for veges, the butchers for meat, out to lunch with Chris and back home again.
Great lazy day.
Off to pick up Rhian tomorrow, I can't wait!
I miss her like crazy!
Nothing more to say except........

YAY ME!!

After my deep and meaningful update last night, I realised that I hadn't bragged about my mammoth effort on the treadmill at the gym!
I had been on a course in the city yesterday, and it finished early, so I headed back out on the train to get my car.  
I was supposed to meet my gym buddy at 4.45pm, but it was only 3.30pm by the time I got to Lower Hutt.
I decided to go to the gym anyway!
By the time I got there and got changed it was about 4.10pm, so I jumped on the bike for 10 minutes.
Then hit the treadmill!
60 minutes later I finally got off the bugger and then did some weights with Ange.
I felt FANTASTIC!!!!!
It was an amazing feeling to be so in control and KNOW that I was doing a great job!
Another thing that I have been in total control of lately, is my eating.
I have been the super diet queen this week.
In fact, today, I had coleslaw and tuna for lunch, and I did the amazing thing, of NOT adding any salad dressing!!!  
So essentially, it was raw veges and tuna!  
And I must admit, that it wasn't bad at all, cos I used flavoured tuna, so it didn't actually NEED the dressing on it!
YAY ME!!!!
I've also been averaging at least 2 litres of water per day this week, so that is another bonus!!  
YAY!!!    I love the feeling I have when I know that I am doing well.........  like I could conquer the world.

Anyway, another thing that I forgot to mention yesterday, is the fact that we have been without Rhian for the entire week!
She went to stay at Chris's parents place on Sunday, and was due to come home on Thursday, but because of all the shit weather we have had, the roads have been closed, which in turn means that she has had an extra couple of days up there!
I am missing her like crazy, but at least I know that she is happy and being well looked after!
We speak to her every night on the phone, and her talking is getting better and better each day - it is amazing to hear!
Now I'm not sure, but we may be heading up to pick her up on the weekend, but with the roads the way they are, it means that we will have to go around the longer way...
It's not really that much longer - maybe an hour when you take all the traffic into consideration.....
So yeah - that may be on the cards tomorrow........ I guess we will decide tonight.

Righto... time to go and do some work.
I've done bugger all today - too busy trying to figure out what the hell I wanna do with my life!!!
Hehehehe......

About things that are beyond our control?
I mean, really - WHADDAYA DO????
The last few days I have done a lot of thinking.
And I mean a LOT of thinking......
I've had lots of time to think while I've been lying awake at night listening to the sounds of the darkness....
The low constant hum of the radio alarm clock, the deep even breathing of the dog, the loud obnoxious f&^%$en snoring of my husband!!!!!!!!!!
Hehehehehehe.........
I slept in the spare room last night - and I actually had quite a good sleep too!
But I digress...........
What the hell can I do about things that are out of my control?
Simple.
NOTHING!
TRY not to let them get to me.
TRY not to waste too much energy on worrying about stuff that may or may not ever happen.
TRY to carry on being a good mother/wife/daughter/sister/friend/employee.
While all the time carrying on with every day stuff, that sometimes seems totally and utterly irrelevant in the bigger scheme of things!
Too much time to think, can be dangerous in the wrong headspace!
Since suffering one of the worse hangovers in history on Sunday, that carried on into Monday (and Tuesday and Wednesday!!!!) I have decided that for two whole months, I am not going to let a drop of alcohol pass my lips!
Yep - I am going tea-total until the 26th August.
Why the 26th August, I hear you ask?
Well, that is the night of the Mid-Winter Starlight Ball, and it is also the day AFTER the final day of the Biggest Loser Challenge at work.
So, it is head down and bum up for me until then!
No more distractions, no more hangovers, no more all night binges...
THAT'S IT!!
I'm DONE!!!!
I got a shock yesterday.
The first months results were announced for The Biggest Loser challenge at work, and out of 40 people that have entered - I am coming in at a miserable 14th place!!!!
I mean COME ON!!!!!
A friend of mine is coming 2nd, and my boss is coming 3rd!!!!!!!!!!
That was certainly a bit of a shock to the system I can tell you!!
So, it is time to step up to the mark and take responsibility for myself, and my damn life too!!!
I have spent far too much time basking in the glory of long past successes.....
I need to focus on the future, and what I want out of my life!!
Has anyone asked themselves that question lately??
"What do I want out of life?"
I mean REALLY want out of life????
I want to be respected.
I want to be loved.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be admired.
I want to be happy.
I want to be whistled at.
I want to be a good mother.
But is all of this enough??
Do I need to want more?
I think somewhere along the road, I have lost sight of WHO I want to be as well.....
I have spent so long going with the flow - being the wife and the mother and the friend and the daughter and the sister and the employee that I think everyone wants me to be - but is it really who I want to be?
Do I want to stay in a job that I don't find challenging?
Do I want to stay friends with people that don't really inspire me to be a better friend?
Do I want to carry on saying and doing things that I think I "should" be saying and doing???
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
But what I DO know, is that I'm not happy.
I'm not happy with some things in my life, and I think now is a good a time as any to start making the changes that are gonna make me happy!!
They might surprise some people.
They might please some and they might hurt others.
I'm tired of tip toeing around being worried about what people may think......
And at the end of the day - I am the one who has to face myself every day, and I am the one that has to be happy.
It's about # 1 here - ME!
And it's damn well time I started making it about ME!!!!!

It's 2.46am, and I haven't been to sleep yet.
Of course that is not from a lack of trying on my part!
Chris is sick with the flu and is coughing and snoring, and has been doing so since he went to bed.
I have been lying there listening to him, watching the minutes & hours tick by.....
Fully aware that it is now just 2 hours and 29 minutes until my alarm will go off and I am expected to jump out of bed and go to the gym!!!!!
How the hell is that gonna happen?
To be completely honest - how the hell am I gonna be able to function at work in a few hours time as well?
I'm wide awake.....
Thoughts running through my head - all sorts of things, but at the top of the list is work.
I was told in October last year, that in February 2007 I would be taking over as the manager of my department.
It is something that I never mentioned, but I was "being prepped" to take over.
Courses, trainings, meetings, blah blah blah......
Then yesterday, in my mid year review, I was informed that it wont be happening!!!!
Not through any fault of my own, but more because my current manager has changed her mind, and wants to stay on.....
Where does that leave me?
Stranded.
Up in the air.
Wondering.
Where the hell do I go from here?
Am I valued enough as an employee to warrant staying?
Or do I cut my losses and look for something more challenging?
I don't know.
I wish I did.
Then maybe I would get some damn sleep!
2.53am

At the beginning I guess right?!?
Chris's party went great on Saturday night!
I drank FAR too much and ended up getting to bed at about 4am - so I have been told anyway!!
The last people left at about 3am (Helena, Craig & Rose - the party animals!!!!!) then that just left Chris, me and my gorgeous sister to waste away the wee small hours.......
Of course I spent the last part of the morning with my head in a bucket, so that sucked!!!  Hahahaha....
Spent most of yesterday in bed recovering, and today I don't feel much better to be honest!!!
Rhian has gone to stay with Chris's parents for a couple of days, so the house is really quiet...
Quite good though, cos it means that I can get the house cleaned up and in some sort of order after the weekend!
I am supposed to be going to a Tupperware meeting tonight, but don't know if i can be bothered.......
I'm just so tired!!!!!!
I am going to the gym tomorrow night after work with my gym buddy Ange - we just arranged that now, so that is cool.
Might try to get there Wednesday morning too.  Ange also wants to go on Thursday night after work, so that will be cool if I can.
That was the original plan you see, when I first joined the gym,...
I was gonna go Tues & Thurs night with her, then mornings by myself on the other days.
I've been too slack though!
Gotta get my shit sorted out........
Righto - I have a tonne of work to do, and this ain't getting it done, so best I toddle off and make a start!

FINALLY - I got my second wind today!!
I made the dreaded mistake of going out last night for a "few drinks" to say farewell to a wrokmate that is going back tot he UK - where he is originally from.
Well, a "few" turned into a few TOO MANY and I got home at 11.30am this morning feeling decidedly worse for wear!!!
Yes - you read that right - 11.30am THIS MORNING!!!!!!
We started at a local bar, then headed into the city where we met up with more workmates and continued drinking.....
At about midnight I realised that I was far too drunk to get home, and my boss was nice enough to let me stay at her house for the night... She is so damn lovely - and just as drunk as me so we made a great pair!!!
I'm not exactly sure what time we got in, but it was in the wee small hours, and when the alcohol started wearing off, I realised I was damn cold, and hardly got a wink of sleep all night!!
Then I had to get back out to Petone to pick up my car and Rhian by 8.30am as Chris had to work!!!
Oh My God!!!!!
Then of course I had a 2 year old birthday party to go to at Lollipops at 9.30am so I went along, still in the clothes that I had partied in the night before, looking like total and utter crap and not feeling much better to be honest!
But, I tried to smile!! Hehehehehe............ Thank God Rach saw the funny side of it all!
So, by the time I got home it was 11.30am and I was knackered!!!!
I'm STILL knackered actually, but I'm feeling better than what I did this morning.....
It is Chris's 4oth birthday party tonight, so I have 2 1/2 hours before people start arriving.....
I have made the jelly/midori shots - I BOUGHT a birthday cake, cos I ran out of time (and was too hungover) to make one, and the sausage rolls need to be cut up ready to go into the oven later...
All in all I think that I am running pretty much on time!
YAY ME!!!

OK - so today was weigh in day, and I was thrilled to be able to record another loss.
And it was a good loss too!
1.1kg!
YAY ME AGAIN!!!
Takes me down to 118.2kg and that is ONLY 10.2kg above my lowest weight ever, so every gram that I lose, take me another gram closer to being into the "virgin fat" again!
And I SOOOOOOO wanna be there!!!
OK - Time to go organise stuff!!!
It's gonna be a great night!!!!!

Who bets I have another hangover tomorrow?????
I DO!!