Friday, November 30, 2007
Where's the blimmen week gone to??
This is CRAZY - Where has the week gone to????
It's Friday afternoon already, only 2 hours to go before it's the "weekend" and I have Monday off - YAY!!!
I LOVE long weekends!
The social life is starting to take it's toll this week, that's for damn sure!
Tuesday night was drinks with some of J's clients, we got home at 11pm
Wednesday night was a BBQ at J's sisters place, we got home at 10pm
Thursday night was "Xmas drinks" held by a client of J's and although I didn't join them until about 9pm, I made up for lost time and we got home at 1.30am
Of course work this week has been extra busy, and this morning I was regretting my decision to have "a few" last night!!
But, in saying that, a good time was had by all, and I'm feeling fine, just a little tired.....
Thankfully we don't have anything on tonight, so it will be spent relaxing with "the girls" (kittens) and generally recuperating and getting our energy up for the weekend!!
Tomorrow night is a dinner and dance at the Royal Port Nicholson Yacht Club (sounds posh - we aren't!!) in town for a federation that J belongs to through his work.
Luckily I am going to know a few people, and his sister and her husband are going too, and we get on great, so I'm really looking forward to it!
I'm gonna try to remember to take my camera and get LOADS of pics!!!!
Sunday we are heading off up to Foxton for my gorgeous mum & dad's 40th wedding anniversary festivities.
A family lunch at 12noon, and then they are opening the house to friends for the remainder of the afternoon and evening.
Should be great!!!
My gorgeous divine little sister is coming over from Sydney and I can't wait to see her!!!
Of course my big sister is heading up to mums as well with her two kidlets (and husband) so it will be fantastic to catch up with them as well.
I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is why I have Monday off - so that I don't have to leave the fun and head home early on Sunday - it's a 2 hour drive at least to get home in the traffic on a Sunday!
So the weekend is gonna be a big one, but I'm ready for it!!!!
Food has been great this week, water consumption has been fabulous, alcohol intake has been "up there" as well, which is not so good, but I had a great loss on the scales yesterday, so I'm over the moon.......
What I didn't tell you all is that last week when I weighed in, I GAINED 5.1kgs in the 6 weeks of not going to weigh ins!!!!
YEP - 6kgs!!!!!!!!
That took me up to 122.1kgs, higher than what I was when I started the at work weight watchers program.
Higher than I have been for about 3 years in fact!!!!
It gave me a bloody shock that is for certain, and I spent the afternoon and most of the night in tears.
I swore to myself in no uncertain terms that I would NEVER get over 120kgs again.
But the reality was, that I didn't care enough NOT to get back to 120kgs!!!!!
BUT.......... this week at my official weigh in, I dropped 3.2kgs, and am now sitting on 118.9kgs.
Of course my scales at home read 2kgs lighter, so I like them a hell of a lot better!!! hahahaha...
And as of this morning my home scales were reading 115.5kg, so that is what I am going with!!!
The cupboards at home are clear of ANYTHING that I go weak over..... NO chippies, NO lollies, NO chocolate
The fridge has a heap of apples, strawberries and yoghurt.
The fruit bowl is loaded with oranges and bananas.
In the evening after dinner, when we are peckish for something sweet, instead of reaching for the lollie jar, we head for the fruit bowl instead.
Fresh fruit salad with natural yoghurt stomps out the sweet cravings and is damn filling as well!
Creamy mayo dressings in the fridge have been thrown out and replaced with balsamic vinegarette, and the butter has been replaced with a low fat spread.
It's amazing how fast the bad habits creep back in to my life, and how easily I let them!!!
I am going to have to be extra vigilant over the Xmas / New Year period, because I know it would be so easy to let that disgusting number appear on the scales again! And I CARE too much to let that happen again!!!!!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
So Rude.....
I am so blimmen busy at work that I hardly have time to update at all!
HOW RUDE!! hahahahahaha..........
I'm loving it though - I LOVE being busy, learning new things, achieving goals - I THRIVE on it!
Eating has been fantastic, water consumption has been superb, and I'm really really looking forward to weigh in tomorrow....
Makes a change from the past 5 weeks where I avoided it like the plague!!!
Haven't got much more to say, which is just as well, cos I don't have time anyway......
Life is great, the weather is wonderful, I'm on track and I'm just loving it all!!!
P.S.
Anyone want two gorgeous kittens???
Hahahahahahahaha........
They decided at midnight to have time trials up and over the bed, this lasted for about an hour, and every time I put them out in the lounge, they just followed me back to bed!
They finally settled down at about 1.30am, only to get up and start all over again at 4.50am!!!
Of course J slept through the whole midnight thing.......... Goodness only knows how though, cos they were literally running over the top of him!!!
Bloody cute, but bloody tiring!
Yeah - I know I could have just shut the door, but that would have been too easy huh? *wink*
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Terrific Tuesday...
Feeling positive today - YAY!!
We had a big meeting this morning that also included a breakfast before hand, and I am happy to say that I was well restrained and am darn pleased with what I ate and how it all went.... YAY!
Although it makes the rest of the day run late, and it's 1.46pm and I haven't had lunch yet!!!
Speaking of lunch......... I have a salad with tuna and I'm blimmen hungry, so I think I'll be off to the fridge to get it out very very soon!!
Tonight, dinner will be fresh fish with either a salad or stir fried veges.
Not sure yet, I have to go shopping after work, so I'll see what takes my fancy at the supermarket.
Last night we had beautiful beef snitchel with salad and a baked potato each, followed by dessert of fresh fruit (just apple and banana cos that is all we had in the house) covered in low fat yoghurt.
YUMMMMM!!!!!!
Now I just have to get back in to the walking thing, and I'll be on fire again!!!!
Our little "cherubs" are still totally delightful, and I couldn't even get grumpy at them at 5.36am this morning as they were performing their very own rendition of "The Charge Of The Light Brigade" up and down the hallway!!!
We have wooden floors, so of course they hoon up the hallway and realise they have to stop sooner or later, and skid for quite a distance before rounding the corner! TOO CUTE!!!
They have new names as well........ the little black girl is called "Char" (short for charcoal) and I have renamed the grey girl to "Asha" instead of Boots, just cos I like the name better!!!
Righto - This is getting me nowhere fast in relation to my work, so I better get my butt in to gear and get on with it!
That's the major problem with these long half day meetings - I have to catch up on everything in just a few hours!
ARGH!!!!!
Happy thoughts Jo, think happy thoughts :)
Sunday, November 25, 2007
New Additions...
Check out the little cherubs!
Sisters and oh so cute...
We got them this morning, Rhian wanted to call them Dora & Boots.
We agreed on Boots for the tabby girl, but still haven't come up with anything that suits the little black girl...
Let's hope they don't decide to play all night long :)
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Mid Week Slump...
So tired today..... that'll teach me for enjoying a few too many glasses of wine last night!
It wasn't a late night by any stretch of the imagination, in fact we were home by 9pm, and I was probably asleep by 9.30pm!
But it was a bit of a restless night and I woke up feeling like I could sleep for another 6 hours!!
We went out for a BBQ to J's sisters place and the food was just divine!
She made a gorgeous salad and added some blanched fresh asparagus cut up into chunks....
Now I have never been an asparagus fan at all, but I'm thinking that may be because I have only ever tried soggy asparagus rolls that you get served up at a funeral and the asparagus comes out of a can..... blergh!
So I can now say that asparagus rocks, and I even went out at lunch time and bought some, so I'll be trying to cook it myself tonight...
This time of the year gets so busy..... J and I sat down the other day and worked out our calenders....
We have something on every weekend from now until the end of January!
Of course everything seems to involve the mighty dollar, and when you don't have a hell of a lot of them, it makes things difficult!
But, I'll be doing my best to stick to a budget (of nothing) and trying to enjoy every even that is planned.....
It starts this Friday......
Oooo, and the exciting thing......... if I can come up with an airfare to Melbourne, then I might be going to the Tennis Open in January!
J found out that he is going with work, and if I want to go, all I have to pay for is my flight, and spending money of course!!
I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, I might have to hit the credit card and pay it off once my bonus comes through!!
Dunno..... gotta think about that one!
Work is busy at present.... which is brilliant for me, I'm really enjoying my job at the moment.
Certainly makes a difference from a few months ago when I was looking at leaving cos I was bored out of my tree!
Speaking of work, best I get on and do some huh??
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
I'm Back...
The weekend was awesome, fantastically awesomely great to get away for a few days!
Ate too much, drank too much, had too much sun, but had a total blast!
it was brilliant to be able to catch up with relatives that I haven't seen for ages, and some I can't ever remember meeting in the past!
PLUS.... I got to meet my Godmother for the first time in years and years and years....... too cool!
Hate being back at work today, but I think that is just because it is such a glorious day out there - I'd rather be in the sunshine!!!
Nothing much more to say to be honest....
I'll be back once I have sorted out my head and my desk and have some more time...
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Busy busy busy...
I've been flat tack all day, didn't get a break for morning smoko, or lunch, so I'm gonna shoot off early.....
YAY!
And I don't have to come back here until Tuesday!
BIGGER YAY!!!
We are going out to the Workingmans Club tonight to see "Lyn of Tawa & Gazza" apparently it is supposed to be hysterical, so I'm looking forward to it.
The show starts at 7pm, and I'm not sure if that includes a meal or not, so I better make some enquiries I guess!!
The show is supposed to run from 7pm - 11pm so that's 4 hours!! There better be a few breaks, cos after sitting on my butt for 7 hours straight today, it's getting pretty blimmen sore! hahahaha.....
Not much else to say to be honest....
I'm still 100% on track, still finding it really easy this week, and although I've only been out for one walk, I still feel great!!!
Right....... time to clear my desk before I head home - YAY!!!
Don't think I'll be back here updating until Tues, so have a good weekend everyone!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Short week...
Today is like my Thursday, and tomorrow will be my Friday cos I have Friday off this week - YAY!!!
Then, I have Monday off next week as well, so get a four day weekend and two short weeks!!
BIGGER YAY!!!!!!
We are off to Taupo with Mum & Dad on Friday as it is Dad's cousins family reunion.
So up there on Friday, do the family thing on Saturday and Saturday night, then home again on Sunday.
Not sure if we will come back to Wellington on Sunday, or just stay in Foxton at Mum's the night - we'll decide at the time I guess!
I'm looking forward to getting away, but totally disappointed that Steph can't be there to enjoy the festivities!
But....... she'll be here in a couple of weeks, so I guess we can make up for it then.... hehehe
I'm sitting here eating my breakfast right now, All-Bran wheat flakes, All-Bran, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds and natural yoghurt...... it is the yummiest thing ever and it totally feels like I am doing something bad when I eat it, cos it tastes so good!!!
I can't eat cereal with milk at all, I just hate it, so eating it with yoghurt not only makes it yummier but it also makes it thicker and less messy I reckon!
Anyway.............. not sure what lunch will be today, as I don't have any cottage cheese left and no money to buy anything!!
Thank goodness it is pay day tomorrow!! Hahahahahaha.....
My walking aspirations were crushed yesterday when it absolutely pelted down at lunch time, and it looks like it will be pretty much the same all day today too...
Although I can't actually see out the window where I sit, so maybe it has cleared up miraculously in the last half hour...
Still, it's only 9.40am, so anything could happen huh?
OK, I'm just babbling now, not much more to say, and I'm putting off starting a project this morning, cos I know once I start it, it's gonna take concentration and take up most of my day....
Hmmmmmm...... procrastinating isn't really helping though, so off I go............
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Aching Legs...
It's amazing how unfit I am....... after my 45 minute walk yesterday, I woke to find my legs aching.
Then of course when I got to work this morning and had to climb the 51 stairs to get to my office, they (my thunder thighs) started to object!!!
Crazy how totally unfit I am, but also crazy about how blimmen determined I am to get that fitness back!!!!!
Breakfast this morning was a glorious smoothie consisting of banana, kiwiwfruit, natural yoghurt and trim milk..... DIVINE!
That was at 8.30am, and now it's 11.50am and I'm not even hungry!!!
Lunch will be cottage cheese and pineapple on rice cakes again, since I have already got the ingredients, followed by an orange later in the day if I get hungry again.
I've got a meeting this afternoon that I need to do some more prep work for, so that has been keeping my mind occupied, and I'm finding that I would usually be craving a cigarette about now, but today, I'm not the slightest bit worried!
It's been a week today since I "gave up" if you don't count my slip up on Saturday night, and I'm feeling fine.....
Life is good...
Oh yeah - thanks to everyone who sent emails of support when I said about my sister being in hospital.... I'm thrilled to report that she is home and getting better by the day... She actually went home on Saturday, and I was lucky enough to talk to her via webcam on Sunday - she looks great, and sounds even better.
Mum & Dad are over there with her, and they return home tomorrow, so she has been well looked after that's for sure!
Amazing what the body can go through and recover so quickly.... just amazing!
Oh yeah - if you wanna read about exactly what was done.... cruise on over to my mum's blog: she has it all written down there:
www.jeans4me.blogspot.com
I'm sure she wont mind you popping in to say hi!!!!
Not much more to add....
Oh yeah - totally off the topic of weight loss or healthy eating or anything, but I saw the most amazing thing this morning on my way to work....
I was driving down the road, and I saw a little bird fly directly in to the path of a bus.
OK, I thought, that's the end of that little fella.
Of course it was a bit like a train wreck.... I just had to watch.
I watched it get run over by the front wheel, get flipped up into the path of the rear wheels and get run over again.
I saw it land on the road, and then the amazing part was this...................... I then saw it get up and fly away!
I couldn't believe what I saw, and even now when I think about, I just shake my head in amazement.
It may be a little thing to many, but to me it showed that there are great things happening out there everywhere every day......and I wanna be a part of it all!
Monday, November 12, 2007
What the???
10.45am
This is a bit of a new thing for me......
Well, not entirely new, but certainly a thing that I had long forgotten about!!!
I had cereal for breakfast this morning, Wheat flakes with natural yoghurt and a sprinkling of sunflower, sesame and pumpkin seeds.
I got half way through the bowl and thought that I didn't need anymore....
In the past (as early as last week) I would have just sat there and eaten the whole bloody bowl anyway - even though I was full.
This morning, I pushed it to one side and left it half full!
It wasn't until I went to wash it out that I realised what a huge achievement that was for me!
And I had done it without thinking!!!!!
HOLY CRAP!!!!!
What the heck is happening to me???
You wanna know another HUGE achievement for me??
Last night while having dinner (home made mince and cheese pie with "lite" pastry) I took one SMALL slice of pie and ate it.
WAITED for 5 minutes, realised I was full, and proceeded to clean up.....
Usually, I would have loaded my plate up, eaten the whole lot, then complained for the rest of the night that I had eaten too much!!!
AND...................... I DIDN'T feel guilty when I ate 4 jaffa lollies, cos I KNEW that I could stop at 4.
2.10pm
HOLY HECK...............
You are NEVER gonna believe what I just did!!!!
Lunch time rolled around, I chucked my walking shoes on, and went for a 45 minute walk!!!!!
OK, so that included stopping at the supermarket for a few minutes, but I WENT FOR A WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had forgotten how blimmen good it feels to get out in the fresh air and actually suck air into these lungs!!!!
Oh yeah - I think it is day 6 of no smoking now!!!
OK - confession time, I did have a couple on Saturday night at the wedding, but that was to be expected I guess, and I said that I wasn't gonna beat myself up about it ..... and I'm not!!!
Smoke free again now, and I know the next social thing we have on is Thursday night but the rest of the group are all non smokers, so it wont be too big an issue not to have to go outside for a smoke at all! YAY!!!!!
I'm feeling great and loving it!!!
At the supermarket today, you wouldn't have recognised my shopping basket........
Oranges, kiwifruit, cottage cheese, lite yoghurt, tinned pineapple.
A bit different from last week when it contained a scone, lollies, chocolate bar, lemonade & roasted nuts!!!!!
So for lunch today, I've had cottage cheese mixed with pineapple on rice cakes, and for afternoon tea I'll be having a banana, IF I'm hungry of course!!!!
Why did I think this was so hard?!?!?!?!
Why has it taken me months and months of farting about to finally get back on track?!?!?
Hmmmmmmmm, complacency has a lot to answer for that's for sure, but I'm back, and better than ever!!!
WoooooooHoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a bit of a new thing for me......
Well, not entirely new, but certainly a thing that I had long forgotten about!!!
I had cereal for breakfast this morning, Wheat flakes with natural yoghurt and a sprinkling of sunflower, sesame and pumpkin seeds.
I got half way through the bowl and thought that I didn't need anymore....
In the past (as early as last week) I would have just sat there and eaten the whole bloody bowl anyway - even though I was full.
This morning, I pushed it to one side and left it half full!
It wasn't until I went to wash it out that I realised what a huge achievement that was for me!
And I had done it without thinking!!!!!
HOLY CRAP!!!!!
What the heck is happening to me???
You wanna know another HUGE achievement for me??
Last night while having dinner (home made mince and cheese pie with "lite" pastry) I took one SMALL slice of pie and ate it.
WAITED for 5 minutes, realised I was full, and proceeded to clean up.....
Usually, I would have loaded my plate up, eaten the whole lot, then complained for the rest of the night that I had eaten too much!!!
AND...................... I DIDN'T feel guilty when I ate 4 jaffa lollies, cos I KNEW that I could stop at 4.
2.10pm
HOLY HECK...............
You are NEVER gonna believe what I just did!!!!
Lunch time rolled around, I chucked my walking shoes on, and went for a 45 minute walk!!!!!
OK, so that included stopping at the supermarket for a few minutes, but I WENT FOR A WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had forgotten how blimmen good it feels to get out in the fresh air and actually suck air into these lungs!!!!
Oh yeah - I think it is day 6 of no smoking now!!!
OK - confession time, I did have a couple on Saturday night at the wedding, but that was to be expected I guess, and I said that I wasn't gonna beat myself up about it ..... and I'm not!!!
Smoke free again now, and I know the next social thing we have on is Thursday night but the rest of the group are all non smokers, so it wont be too big an issue not to have to go outside for a smoke at all! YAY!!!!!
I'm feeling great and loving it!!!
At the supermarket today, you wouldn't have recognised my shopping basket........
Oranges, kiwifruit, cottage cheese, lite yoghurt, tinned pineapple.
A bit different from last week when it contained a scone, lollies, chocolate bar, lemonade & roasted nuts!!!!!
So for lunch today, I've had cottage cheese mixed with pineapple on rice cakes, and for afternoon tea I'll be having a banana, IF I'm hungry of course!!!!
Why did I think this was so hard?!?!?!?!
Why has it taken me months and months of farting about to finally get back on track?!?!?
Hmmmmmmmm, complacency has a lot to answer for that's for sure, but I'm back, and better than ever!!!
WoooooooHoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Desk:
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Pics
OK - this is what I ended up wearing to the wedding, but I added a long sleeve polo neck merino top underneath the halterneck:
There was no one around to help me decide what to wear, so I had to try on a heap of things, take photos of me in them, and then look at the photos to decide on the final outfit.
And the reason for chopping my head off? it was before I went, my hair was a mess, my face was make up free, and when I set the camera to take the picture automatically, I miscounted and had a totally retarded look on my face........... hahaha
And here is a picture with the hair done, and the make up fixed, but we are sitting down, so you can't see the outfit!
The wedding was really lovely, the bride looked gorgeous, the wine flowed freely and the food was YUMM!!!
I had my first drink at 4pm, had a few more throughout the afternoon, but managed to refrain from getting pissed. Although by 7pm my head felt like it was splitting open, so I stoppped drinking altogether. By 10.30pm I couldn't stand the loud music anymore, so went home and tried to get a bit of sleep before going back to the reception and picking up J - luckily the venue was just down the road a bit from where we live so it wasn't too much of a chore.
Today has so far been pretty laod back, eggs for breakfast, a McDonals Deli Roll for lunch and we are having chicken for dinner...... a hell of a lot healthier than what it would have been if I hadn't decided to get back on track!!!
At dinner, I was sitting next to the pastor and his wife, both gorgeous and young and vibrant and full of life - it was a bit of an eye opener for me in more ways than one....
Anyway, I was looking at the thing he had on his wrist.......... you see them all the times these days, it was a thick band made of a rubber type material bright red, and in white writing it had the words "DECISIONS DETERMINE DESTINY" written on it.
Those three words really struck a chord with me......... I took them on board and kept thinking about those 3 little words all night long.
Later in the evening I had the chance to talk with him again, and mentioned that I noticed his wrist band, the next thing I knew, he was taking it off and giving it to me!!!!
So now I'm wearing the words, and making the decisions that will affect my destiny...
So now I'm wearing the words, and making the decisions that will affect my destiny...
3 little words, yet so powerful.....
Three words....
Decisions determine destiny
Friday, November 09, 2007
Fucken Bullshit!!!!!
Have you ever "Googled" yourself??
Of course I have, but never found anything of interest at all..... UNTIL someone suggested Googling your "username" that you have for forums or whatever.
OK, so I did this last night, and sat there and actually cried when I read what I found!!!
It dates back to the 7th August 2002, and it was a response that I typed to someone on a "diet" forum who was complaining about being fat:
vouvaa
08-07-02, 05:02 AM
:c( being fat is messing my life , I feel like a looser and I hate myself , I need a magic potion to be normal person with normal features
wishuponakiwi
07-08-02, 06:08 AM
OK - I'll just wave my magic wand and make all the fat disappear shall I?
If you feel like such a loser and hate yourself so much, why don't you do something about it? You are the one that holds the fork or spoon that puts food into your mouth, so take control of your life and give your body the respect that it deserves by becoming strong and healthy.
I used to sound like you, but NO MORE. As I am finally taking control of my own destiny and making it happen for me - I am the only one who can make the changes!
It looks like you may have made the first step by coming here, so don't walk away yet - give it a chance, and have some faith in yourself!
God knows that if I can do this, ANYONE CAN!!!!!!!!
Wish :)
Pretty harsh stuff that I have said huh???
But I tell ya what.......... it made me think about myself for a minute, and how lately I have come up with every damn excuse in the book as to WHY I am gaining weight and stuffing myself full of crap food.
But that one line in my response sums it up: "You are the one that holds the fork or spoon that puts food into your mouth"
I can't be blaming anyone else or anything else, for my lack of self control.
It's ME!
Simple!
I used to be so motivated, I used to care about myself, I used to be able to say NO when I needed to.
What the hell happened to that person????????
I gotta find that staunch chick again, and maybe, just maybe, I might have found a small part of her already.....
Day 3 of no smoking and I'm feeling fine....
Got a bit of a headache today, but I'm not sure if that is because I am having withdrawals, or if it is cos I have my hair pulled up too tightly!! hahahaha......
Guess the simple answer would be to let my hair down and see if I still have a headache, but then I'd look like a bleached scarecrow, and in my office - that ain't a good look at all! haha..
Had a couple of glasses of wine last night with J's sister, and didn't feel like a smoke at all, so that is a good sign!
I KNOW I can do this...... and I KNOW that I can do it without turning to food as a replacement.....
I guess that is what I have been scared of all along...... that I would give up smoking and gain even more weight.
But I just have to be strong and stick to my guns, and realise that no one is MAKING me eat anything - it is all my own doing!
I cleaned out my "junk" drawer yesterday afternoon.......... This is what I took out of it:
2 x snack size bags of Twisties
3 x kiddie size bags of mini cookies
2 x packets of 2 minute noodles
1 x packet of microwave popcorn (butter lovers flavour)
1 x mini crunchie bar
1 x chunky size milky bar
1 x Sunbrite apricot muesli slice (the EVIL one!!)
2 x packets bagel crisps
I took it all home and it is sitting on the bench there, and tonight I will add more to it from our pantry.
I am going to get rid of all the shit food that is in there.
The biscuits, the chippies, the lollies, the chocolates, all the crap that I can find in there, I'm gonna put into a bag and take down to J's sister's place for her kids.
It is going to be replaced with HEALTHY options, like rice crackers and salsa, tinned fruit in juice, and fresh fruit & veges.
It HAS to be done, and it has to be done NOW!
Fuck it - it's time to stop blaming every other person for my own mistakes, and take ownership of my life.
Stop pandering to everyone else and start looking after myself.
I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and I need to do this to save my own life.......
I'm just over it!!!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Thursday
Day 2 of no smoking, going well, but I haven't had time to think about it today I've been so busy - YAY!
It certainly helps having Rhian around at nights, cos I wont smoke around her, and it also helps that I got my car back yesterday after being at the panel beaters to get the rear end fixed.
Why would that help???
Well, they groomed it, so it smells and looks LOVELY, and there is NO WAY that I want to make it stinky again by lighting up in it!
Sushi for lunch today, and I have to be back in my meeting in about 5 minutes, so this is gonna be damn quick....
I have discovered in the last 48 hours that I am much more withdrawn than I used to be...... hard to believe huh?
Actually, I'm not sure if "withdrawn" is the right word.
My gorgeous little sister has been sick and needed to have an operation.
I haven't talked about it at all here, because talking about it and writing it down would make it all too real.
It wasn't until I spoke to mum yesterday (the day AFTER her operation) that I realised how much it had been playing on my mind.
I withdrew from everyone, I didn't talk to anyone at work, I hardly spoke to Jeremy about it, I was very "matter of fact" when someone asked anything about it, and tried really hard not to think about it at all.
And now that I look back, I have been this way for about a week......
I never noticed it before, and J kept on asking me what was wrong, why was I so quiet, why didn't I want to talk, and I just kept on saying that I was tired..... which I was, but also damn emotional, and it wasn't until last night that I opened up and actually poured it all out.
Anyway, I have no idea what I am trying to say, but I know that the past week has been hard for me, and I have been guilty of turning to food for comfort...
Even reverting back to cooking to calm me down........... lately I have been the Queen of convenience and packet meals, but Tuesday night I actually made an authentic Indian Butter Chicken FROM SCRATCH!!!! Herbs and spices galore......... it was divine, and it was blissful being able to relax and cook and KNOW that I had made a good job of it.
I'm rambling on and on here, but I guess cooking is something that I can have control over cos I know that I am good at it (most of the time) and it just seems that lately, I don't feel that I have much control of anything else going on around me.
Yet even typing that, I know that I have taken control of my job, and stepped out side my comfort zone to approach my boss and voice my concerns.
Of course this has had an amazing result, and I'm actually ENJOYING my work for the first time in months!
Now I just have to regain control over my eating and I'll be fine.....
Right - I although I have so much more to say, I have to get back to work, so maybe I'll be back later.....
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Wednesday...
I'm loving work at the moment...... it makes a change to be busy and have my brain occupied with thoughts of meaningful stuff, not just the usual "What can I eat now?" bullshit!!!
I find that when I am bored, I "think" I am hungry, I graze constantly and end up going home feeling like a big fat whale at the end of the day.
Whereas, when I am busy, I can quite happily ignore all food on offer and just work on through, not worrying about what is going to go into my stomach!
**WARNING** Too Much Information Follows:
I'm gonna be talking about poos and bowel motions, so if you don't wanna read........... scroll through it ya pussy! hahahaha...
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***GROSS BIT STARTS***
OK........ So I'm STILL having trouble taking a crap.
Well, not so much the TAKING the crap part, but the frequency of it all.......
I can eat like the proverbial pig, and literally not "release" any of it for 4 or 5 days.
Example:
Thursday - Can't remember what I ate, but I KNOW I took a dump..... haha
Friday - ate breakfast, lunch and dinner (can't remember exactly what), PLUS copious amounts of alcohol that evening.
No toilet action
Saturday - Maccas BLT Bagel for breakfast (good cure for a hangover), Muffin x 2 (thanks Anne) for morning tea, Wedges & Hot Chicken sandwich for lunch, Burger and Chips for dinner, followed by some lollies.
No toilet action - starting to feel a little yuk
Sunday - Toast & eggs for breakfast, Sandwich for lunch, Fish & Chips for dinner
No toilet action - Bloated, grumpy, crampy stomach
Monday - Smoothie for breakfast, Sandwich for lunch, cereal bar x 2 through the day, meatballs and rice for dinner
No toilet action - by this stage I'm pissed off at the world, tired, grumpy, sore stomach (crampy), and just generally miserable.
Tuesday - Smoothie for breakfast with a liquid laxative added, filled roll for lunch,
TOILET ACTION!!!!!
But.......... If I hadn't of taken the laxative in my smoothie, then how long do you think my body would have gone without expelling some of that???
Does it mean that nearly EVERYTHING I eat is turning straight in to fat and sitting on my ass????
I mean COME ON!!!!!
Surely it can't be "normal" to take a crap ONCE every five days............... CAN IT???????????
Anyway, I have been looking at all sorts of different options, and I'm a tad reluctant to go back to my Dr, cos she wants to put me on another course of laxative tablets, and believe me, I'm not a great fan of those puppies!!
It's not pleasant for ANYONE I tell ya!!!
So.......... like I said, I've been looking at a few different things, and found out about "Colon Hydrotherapy"
I guess my question is................... has anyone out there in blogland ever HAD a colonic, and what have your experiences been?
There is a place in Wellington that does it, and it's about $100 a pop.
They recommend a course of 5 or 6 over a few months, then a regular one every 6 months for maintenance.
But before I fork out hundreds of dollars that I don't actually have, I just wanted some opinions....
So - lemme have it - WHADDAYA RECKON??????
***GROSS BIT STOPS***
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Now it's confession time...................
A few weeks/months ago, I talked about giving up smoking?
I was on here every day bitching and complaining about how hard it was??
Then all of a sudden I stopped bitching and complaining?
Well............ you guessed correctly - I SUCK at giving up smoking!!!
I lasted approx 5 days, then caved in and had one.
That led to another and another and another........
No excuses really - I just suck!!!
One thing I found really hard, was the fact that J was still smoking.
I tried to convince him to give up at the same time, but he really wasn't interested at all......
No worries - I'm not gonna force anyone to do anything they don't wanna.
So....... this week, he announces that he is giving up.
In fact, he hasn't had one since last Friday night, and has no intention of having one.
So I decided that if he can do it - then DAMMIT - SO CAN I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today will be my first day....... I can usually get through the 1st day OK, then the 2nd day is usually OK as well.
It's when I hit day 3 and 4 and 5 that I go off the rails and lose it.......
So this week is gonna be a hard one, especially since we have the wedding to go to on Saturday - which means drinking, and drinking for me goes hand in hand with smoking.......... plus throw in the fact that I only know the bride, the groom and J (who is a groomsman and will be sitting at the head table) so I'm gonna be in a weird setting, with alcohol and no one that I know! AARRGGHHHH!!!!
I'm stressing and need a smoke just thinking about it!!!!!
FARK - this is gonna be hard!
OK Jo, just don't think about it too much - you'll be fine!
Oh yeah - and speaking of the wedding - I still don't know exactly what I am going to wear dammit!!!!!
I have a few things that I can make an outfit out of I guess, but I'm thinking that it will all depend on what the weather is like on the day......
Hopefully it will be nice, cos the service is outside, and apparently the alternate venue for wet weather is tiny and would more than likely not fit the 70 guests in it!
OH JOY!!!! hehehehe.......
Anyway......... as you have probably notice, I have successfully avoided talking about eating healthy, or exercise or anything even vaguely related to weight loss, and that would be because I haven't done EITHER!
I haven't eaten "healthy" for a few weeks now, and exercise - WHAT'S THAT?????
I KNOW I need to get my ass in to gear and get serious, and I KNOW that I say this every few weeks, so I'm just gonna shut up about the whole damn thing until I KNOW that I am ready to get serious about it all!
And when that may be is anyone's guess!
Although I suppose this morning I made the right choice and had cereal and yoghurt for breakfast, and a WW cereal bar for morning tea, instead of toast and peanut butter for breakfast and a muffin for morning tea.
It may not be much, but I guess it is something huh?
Yeah I know - I'm grasping at straws! hahahaha
Seems like all I am doing lately!
But.............. I'm actually happy!!!!
OK, not with my weight, but happy with my life in general - my job is sorted, and I'm happy about that.
My love life is trucking along nicely, I'm happy and contented and settled, and I like that feeling.
The house and the renovations are moving, albeit very slowly, but they are moving along.
Rhian is a wonderfully spirited lively and intelligent child who brightens my life every day with the tiniest things, and I can't begin to imagine what my life would be like without her smiling face in it.
My family are all amazing, and I know we have a fantastic relationship...... I would be lost without each and every one of them, and I count my blessing each day to have such supportive and loving people surrounding me.
My friends are all wonderful, even when I don't make enough time for them!! I'm lucky to have a group of friends that aren't high maintenance..... we can see each other every week, or every month, or every 6 months and it is all good. No pressure, no stress, just laughter and love - BLISS!
So there ya have it - so many things to be thankful for.........
I love this life..........
Just wish I was skinnier!!
Hahahahahahaha
xoxo
Monday, November 05, 2007
Monday...
I can't believe it's Monday already.........
Actually I can't believe it nearly Christmas either!!
CRAZY!!!!!
My weekend was fantastic in every sense......
Friday night I had plans to have a quiet night, but at the last minute (literally as I was driving home from work) J rang to say "come have a beer at J***'s place, so off I went!
I know that we got home before midnight, cos I remember arguing with J about how early it was, and that I wanted to go out again and continue to PARTY!! hahaha
Glad that he wouldn't let me though, cos I had to be up early to get ready for a girlie road trip with Rach and Helena.
We headed up to Palmerston North to meet up with Anne, Janene, ChrisH & ChrisD, so that surprised the hell out of them..... too cool!
Shopping followed our catch up, then lunch, then more shopping, and of course the day was filled with laughter, so it was just fantastic!
Got home in time for dinner, and since J had been babysitting his gneiss and nephews all day, I took charge, and drove to McDonalds! hahaha...
Saturday evening was spent playing with the kids, and relaxing once they had gone to bed, then Sunday brought more of the same!
Their parents got home at about 3pm, so then it was off home for us to clean the house, do a million loads of washing and settle in for the evening.
Now it's Monday and I'm once again looking forward to Friday!!
Took my car in to the panel beater this morning to get my dented ass sorted out, so at the moment I'm driving around in a little shitter "courtesy car", no air conditioning, no radio, and it's a bitch to get it in to 3rd gear, so it's been a bit of a bumpy ride so far! haha..
Tonight is Guy Fawkes night, and although I don't actually like them much and will NEVER spend money on buying them myself, I'm sure Rhian would get a buzz out of seeing some go off........
I know there is a display in the city tonight, so I might see how she goes, and take her down to the waterfront to watch.... will all depend on her mood I guess! haha
She's like her mother - and when she is tired, there is NO WAY she will do what she doesn't want to do!
Not much on this week at all......
Actually - NOTHING!
Got the wedding on Saturday, and that's it!
YAY for a quiet week for a change!
Righto - work to do.........
Friday, November 02, 2007
I'm back.... and now the weekend!
I've spent the last two days on a "Coaching & Feedback" course, which I really enjoyed!
I thought I would hate it, but if I'm honest, I did actually get quite a bit out of it!
Anyway, two days was long enough, and I'm glad to be back at work!
Although today has been rather busy catching up on two days worth of work.....
I've decided to stay where I am - work-wise.
I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and I have a couple of options.....
I can either give up on this place and start fresh somewhere else, or I can make this job work for me!
Pros and Cons to both of course!!!
Good points about leaving would be that I would get to meet new people, have a new challenge, and feel "fresh" again.
Bad points about leaving would be that I have no formal qualifications so to walk in to another job on the same $$ that I am on now would be virtually impossible!
Being a "single parent" I can't afford to drop in salary even slightly, so that thought scares the be-jeezuz out of me! Of course then there is the chance that I might leave here and HATE my new job too!
Good points about staying include the fact that I am on "good" money, I know the company, I know the people, I know the "culture" of this place, and I like them all. Bad points about staying could include the fact that I am bored several times a day, and for a person that thrives on pressure, that ain't a good thing!
So........ I took it upon myself to arrange a meeting with my manager today, and point out the fact that I WANT to make this job work for me, and that I don't want to leave, but if things don't improve, then I will have no choice.
He was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!
And as a result, I will be taking over a chunk of his work which includes importing and exporting a specific product, something that has NEVER been passed on to anyone before, but he knows I can handle it, so I am the lucky one!!!
YAY ME!!!
There are also a number of smaller projects that I will be taking leadership of, so I am confident that I can turn my "funk" around and actually start to get enthused about my position here. Now that has got to be a good start huh?????
I just wish that the rest of my life was so easy to sort out!!!
My eating has turned to complete SHIT!
I am successfully managed to watch the scales climb higher and higher each week that I haven't been to weigh in, and I am now sitting nearly HIGHER than what I was when I re-started!!!
The numbers this morning flashed up 116.4kgs!!!
I'm lost, I'm uninspired, I'm lethargic, I'm bloated, I'm fat, and my wardrobe is getting seriously limited!!!!!
I caught a look at myself in the mirror as I walked past it the other day, and was DISGUSTED to see the chubbiness starting to creep back around my once defined cheekbones!
I tried on a gorgeous halterneck top that I won off TradeMe on Wednesday and was alarmed to see my rapidly disappearing collarbones sinking in to the fat laden chest and shoulder area that once I used to be proud of.....
I am scared to even attempt to try on my "skinny" jeans (not skinny leg jeans - GOD FORBID!!!!) as I can imagine my thunderous thighs looking like overstuffed sausages sticking out the bottom of a substantial "muffin top" bulging over the waistband of my jeans - that is of course if I could even get the zip and button done up!!!!!!
OK, ok so I am probably a bit of a drama queen here, cos it was just yesterday that a co-worker told me that I looked fantastic and that I looked as though I had lost more weight!!!
BUT........... it's not about how others perceive me that I am worried about here........ it's how I see myself, and at the moment I see myself as a big fat lazy pig who can't get herself motivated enough to save her own life!!!!!
I haven't cooked a decent meal in over a week, in fact one night this week we had a packet of cheezels out of Rhian's treat box and a toasted sandwich!!!! Closely followed up by a mini milky bar and a glass of lemonade!!
Where the fuck did my motivation go??
Who the hell took it and where the hell did they put it dammit?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I WANT IT BACK!!!
And I want it back NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You hear me???????
I don't want to be fat!
I don't want to be out of breath after walking up the 51 goddamn steps to get to my office!
I don't want to be known by name at the local takeaway bar!!!!!
I don't want my grocery bill to be 1/2 filled with chippies and chocolates and the plethora of other random "crap" that is so often listed!!!!
Where the hell is the magic pill that will make me skinny!
Isn't that supposed to have been invented by now dammit?!?!?!?!
I'm far too chicken shit to ever have an operation, so I can't whinge about not having the money to do that, cos even if I was the richest fat bitch in the world - there still aint no way in hell that I would get my "stomach stapled"........ can you spell "CHICKEN SHIT PUSSY GIRL!?!?!?!?!"
AARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's all too fucken hard at times I tell ya!!!!!
But I'll also tell you this........................
There is a trolley full of caramello chocolate sitting about 5 metres away from my desk, and I'm ignoring the bastard!
We had a morning tea "shout" this morning, and those beautiful sausage rolls remained on the plate and NOT in my gut.
So as long as I still have the strength to resist this crap SOME of the time.................. THERE IS STILL HOPE!!!!!!!!
And hope is all I need!!!!!
